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Thread: We sailed on with happy hearts

  1. August 7th, 2006, 11:33 PM #1
    El Deciple
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    We sailed on with happy hearts

    The Harbor wind's played on in our hearts
    As we bobbed in our baby dinghy in the blue bay.
    All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.

    Sporadic clouds peeled shadows off dockhand carts:
    We thrilled in trills of gulls and terns above the bay.
    The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.

    Cool breezes blew our dinghy to coves across the charts;
    We sifted winded sails, sipped wine all winsome day.
    All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.

    The sun tumbled: we tacked for clubs past marts
    And feasted on mariners' tales of a bygone day.
    The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.

    We reveled in rhythmic peals of mast slapping halyards
    And lapping ripples mooring mirrored lights in the bay.
    All misted moon long we sailed on with happy hearts.

    We were skippers of our dinghy, sporting our parts.
    Tack port! No, starboard! Buoy, port side bow! Oy vey!
    The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts;
    All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.
  2. August 7th, 2006, 11:39 PM #2
    Omega.
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    The Harbor wind's played on in our hearts
    As we bobbed in our baby dinghy in the blue bay.
    All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.
    ^^
    nice opener!. caught my eye FAST

    Sporadic clouds peeled shadows off dockhand carts:
    We thrilled in trills of gulls and terns above the bay.
    The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.
    ^^
    liked the multie in this..ALOT

    Cool breezes blew our dinghy to coves across the charts;
    We sifted winded sails, sipped wine all winsome day.
    All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.
    ^^
    nice loved..nice wording

    The sun tumbled: we tacked for clubs past marts
    And feasted on mariners' tales of a bygone day.
    The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.
    ^^
    wasnt really appealing as the others but still good

    We reveled in rhythmic peals of mast slapping halyards
    And lapping ripples mooring mirrored lights in the bay.
    All misted moon long we sailed on with happy hearts.
    ^^
    no this was a nice wording and twisted multie.

    We were skippers of our dinghy, sporting our parts.
    Tack port! No, starboard! Buoy, port side bow! Oy vey!
    The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts;
    All sea sun long we sailed on with happy hearts.

    i liked this overall it was intact with great emotion and very well written vocab and choice of multies and metas.


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  3. August 8th, 2006, 01:20 AM #3
    El Deciple
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    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...9&postcount=26http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showpost.php?p=4807233&postcount=22
    Last edited by El Deciple; August 8th, 2006 at 01:29 AM
  4. August 8th, 2006, 02:16 PM #4
    El Deciple
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    uppin for some feedback
  5. August 9th, 2006, 07:58 PM #5
    El Deciple
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    bump
  6. August 11th, 2006, 03:33 AM #6
    Heaven's Lyrics
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    Nice shit fam

    Opener wuz great - i like the imagery ya put in this
    especially in these lines
    Sporadic clouds peeled shadows off dockhand carts:
    We thrilled in trills of gulls and terns above the bay.
    The harbor wind's song played on in our hearts.
    but as a whole nice poem ---- imagery, vocab wuz good

    metaphors were nice --- i felt as if i were there - especially da way ya ended it
    keep doin wut ya do -- nice shit
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  7. August 11th, 2006, 03:34 AM #7
    El Deciple
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    thanks fam....set up dat dam battle lol
  8. August 11th, 2006, 10:51 AM #8
    Heaven's Lyrics
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    Damn man this anotha one ya bit
    http://www.poetry.com/contest/pastwi...uite=A58101%3E

    smh cant believe this -- did ya bite all ya poems??
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  9. August 12th, 2006, 09:14 AM #9
    Poeta Demonio
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