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Thread: The 7 Sins: Pride

  1. #1
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    The 7 Sins: Pride

    The 7 Sins: Pride



    “Meet My Pride, Darlings…”


    The man proud at the sterling silver crest he wore
    The golden doorknob represented his riches galore
    East to the west shore he had fucked many a whore
    Tore down veils disguising riches he needed no more
    Looked down upon lesser being polluting his lairs air
    Fare maidens ashamed danced in arms for a fair share


    “Hello Mr. Jennings”


    “May I say I need none of you services you sell standing
    I already own discreet butlers to clean anything that fell
    On this precise landing but my lawn has started Blanding
    Oh hell, get an appointment then you can clean my shelf
    I couldn’t care less about the Harvard certified degree
    AS even my cook comes from the oxford pedigree breed
    See you are worthless in comparison, a “there not nearly”
    Take a penny, feeding the poor is my day’s first good deed”


    “Today’s Highlights”

    The stock market is incurably infected by the digital aids
    Degraded men lose mass money hidden un-der shades
    Stock Market’s top investor a Mr. Jennings is shocked
    Blocked bank account his servants wage bill un-clocked
    His wealth was docked in docks of boxes stored in shares
    So the rotted contents represented the proud mans affairs
    Now dead under pretences of natural death he was punished
    For having pride he dies hanged by the noose of his social lies




    RIP Sir Jennings Pride
    Your gone & will be Forgotten


  2. #2

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    ok ok this piece was just brilliant and I really really liked it.The storline was so clever and the way you presented it was very clever.You showed how creative your mind is and it really showed right here with your excellent wording and stoyline.Your descriptive writing was another excellent part to this piece.Each word was expressed brilliantly."Hello Mr.Jennings" would have been my favourite part of this piece.In my opinion you showed your best of your ability here.Great piece my friend.

    -Dyl
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  4. #4
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Yeah thanks man i appreciate that.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  5. #5
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    excellent, man pakaveli your leaving rb on a very short term i give it another year at rb youd be one of the greatest writers here man,but ill miss your reads.
    the emotion i felt was very deep and heart felt when reading this,the imagery was terrific and couldn't of been better in my eyes,the structure was solid,the vocabulary above average,and the wording was great too i really dont know what to say man except that you nailed this one right in the ass its dope.
    AI

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  6. #6
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    thanks man...i'll be leaving for around 6 months or so..hopefully i'll comeback, but before the 4th i'm gonna finish my 7 sins series.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  7. #7
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    i always enjoy readin your OM's, dis 1 i felt was deep, emotional, very good imagery, nice structure, vocab was average, but anotha good read pak, lookin forward 2 tha next 1

  8. #8
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    thanks man.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  9. #9
    . . . Tragedian.'s Avatar
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    The man proud at the sterling silver crest he wore
    The golden doorknob represented his riches galore
    fuckin dope man this was deff your best by far...i fuckin loved this...ive read this 3 times now and i still cant get enough....this was just so amazing....the flow was unbelieveable.....multies were jus sick as fuck.....word play was on point thru out the whole drop....vocab was nice as fuck...deff put the right words in the right places....the topic was amazing and how you wrote on it...fuckin amazing fully man...good fuckin drop...hit up another link in my sig if u find the time...peace..keep up
    Empire

  10. #10
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    Damn dude. Honestly this was pretty cool, fresh, and unique. I haven't seen a topical like this in a while. The topic I've never seen really this way. Good job there. I really enjoyed the aabb format in the 1st and 3rd verses, but I really liked how you switched to abab in the 2nd verse...it was so sick. I really liked this thing as a whole. You have great diction and your wording makes it much better of a read. I am glad to have been able to work with you. Keep dropping like this!

  11. #11
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    thanks for the comments, i appreciate them...also DJ i'll hit up one your linkages in a minute.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  12. #12
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    IIGHT FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

    fo real u make me feel bad about my pieces lmao

    Yoo this shit is dope....mad clever
    BACKKK
    Who wants a battle?
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  13. #13
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    lol...don't worry give it time and you'll write as good if not better than me.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  14. #14
    Money is the motivation..
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    Pak, where exactly do you get these ideas for topics from? some of the stuff you write, I'd never had thought of in a million years, let alone my lifetime. =/
    This was good work, a lot of description and a nice story to go along with it. Had a meaning behind it as most of your work does, and it flowed welll also. Good vocab, along with everything else.

    Wish I could leave more feed, but I gotta take my dog out. =/


    Battles:



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  15. #15
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Thanks tha'ts adequate enough feed for me, stay up.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

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