As long as you like
due by sunday
Topic: Ephemeral Moments
g'luck
Client
Onus.
As long as you like
due by sunday
Topic: Ephemeral Moments
g'luck
In...
Good luck
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
IJL
check.
Ephemeral Moments
We ate crawfish,
And we drank daiquiris,
We spoke simplicities,
And we laughed galore.
Magnetized, I dared to explore
Your tremulous right leg:
Tenderly, I went up and down
Never above the knee!
there were people around.
It felt like a young cactus
Yet softer and warmer:
You smiled to procrastinate
And then removed my insisting hand.
I recapitulated, and did you.
They thought I was drunk
I smiled and did you:
They suggested to bring me home,
And we separated somehow.
I left the insidious place drunk
Still looking to see your smile.
Ephemeral Moments
Trapped in a web of strings
Defying gravity, speeding over great lands and foreign seas
Dipping and weaving nature’s punches thrown towards me
Gusts of wind and cyclones depicting violence for the future
Premonitions couldn’t foresee reality’s cold shoulder ahead
The wind at my back, pushing me faster...
Flying at defining speeds, a fly’s worst nightmare turned real
Unconscious when I crashed, stickiness detracted my breath
Realizing death, squirming uncontrollably unable to breathe
In an instance them eyes glared at me, pausing humanity
Paranoia evolves into cerebration manifestation...
Stuck in a web of thoughts, I became strangled by emotions
My inability to escape caused commotion as my body numbed
Hoping I’m strangled by this web before the spider devours
Motivation of escaping dimmed as his glowered stare entered my vision
There is no coming back, the ultimate rush...
A last squirm for life failed, he pounced on my fragile body frame
Suffocating my life slowly, plotting his feast at the round table
When a sudden earthquake made this web unstable, causing paranoia
He gave one last glare as human termination ceased our existence
The cycle of life must be kept.
http://mandatorycurfew.com/Pictures/Medium/03569.jpg
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
IJL
ok... up.
Onus:
I wasn't really feeling your poem... It felt like it was too cold, in a way... I couldn't really envision what was happening and all that there was to the poem was on the surface... Although i did like the way you decided to present your vision of the topic it could have been much better....
Client: I loved everything about the poem... Even the presentation added to the drama of the story being told. The difference between this poem and Onus's is the number of surfaces you can envision while reading the poem... the visuals i imagined while reading this were amazing, and the picture at the end only made me feel like i was right, in a way.
anyways i could go on for hours but i'll stop here...
definetely v// client.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
OM's
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
opinion appreciated.. but i'd like some votes from experienced poets. up.
i don't want to be a bitch or a freeposter... but just cause i don't post my poems on RB doesn't mean i'm not experienced....
i've been writing poetry seriously for 3 years now... so check your facts homie
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
OM's
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
eh and you still suck....Originally Posted by step
i don't want to be a bitch or a freeposter... but just cause i don't post my poems on RB doesn't mean i'm not experienced....
i've been writing poetry seriously for 3 years now... so check your facts homie
^you have no room to talk, stop freeposting. Good poem onus.
upp
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
IJL
thx. up.
good poems from both i liked both poems and i understood both poems. both poems brought out good vocab and both poems came with decent creativity to it. but the poem i was feeling that had the most feeling to it and brought out the best poem towards the topic was client. Onus, you came with a good poem but you couldve put more effort into the poem as far as puttin more into it and not makin it to short client came with more potential in his poema and like i said before, he came with the most feelings towards the topic but all in all i enjoyed both though
v/C
THE FAMILY.
Thanks. Up
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
IJL
thanks for voting. up.
Posting Rules
