The Diaries: Part II

[Cody Nash]

The Diaries: Part I...look, this is me. bringing back some old/new stuff, comparing the new writtens with the old. I'm adding some new entrys ..so now you can just listen up!

The Diaries: Part II
By: Nash

Rumors, lies ..ruined lives. people die
a book full of the tears i couldn't cry
Years of wasted life ..& i do not hide
..the only book that's tasted suicide!

Entry 4: Abusive Doors
Once upon a time, the time of a girl died
because the trust of her parents was a lie!
she was to die, microwave on the right ..
but her parents ended up caring ..
..& put up a fight
so through the night, her body rustled ..
with dreams of self killings far from suddle
a girl, not help willing, finally stumbled
over this thing we call a life she lightly crumbled
she awoke from her small impairment
imprisoned by a hospital, & awaking ..
.. to a screaming parent!
dad screams for reasons, w/ fists like boulders
'why???' mom said, while shaking her shoulders
the girl no longer knew her ..a mother with doubt
her reasons? an abusive family she could live without
so while fists knocked quick, & shoulders rocked fits
she found the only support she ever had ..
.. & pulled it from it's socket!

Rumors, lies ..ruined lives. people die
a book full of the tears i couldn't cry
Years of wasted life ..& i do not hide
..the only book that's tasted suicide!

Entry 5: Thinking of Suicide?
Doors slam! Cords Jammed ..we scream back & forth
hear the children cry from east, south, west, & north!
..
abuse comes in full, thoughts steadily pull the mind ..
all thoughts of the right life, are slowly left behind
a sign of abuse! bruises, scars, & depression ..
.. but we refuse! to lose yards of obsession
to teach us a lesson, you outsmart the adolecent?
no! this boy leaves his home ..with nowhere to roam
but he stands all alone with nothing but his dome
food baskets? none ..food? he needs some
the hunger runs through his veins ..
.. as he sinks in his slum
yet still he runs! from the past he could outlast
the past which he'd left, ever so fast!
the blast, the adrennaline, the high of the chase
gave this boy the desire to find his new face
a new image, new everything ..finished with old
in with the new, a new story to be told ..
while he did what he did though, slowly he perished
he thought of his mother, the ladie he DID cherrish
the fairest of fair ..with no will to care!
a new man walked, to a train station just there.
he fell off the edge, his story died but it still lacked
& the boy tried ..but couldn't escape from his tracks

Rumors, lies ..ruined lives. people die
a book full of the tears i couldn't cry
Years of wasted life ..& i do not hide
..the only book that's tasted suicide!

Last, Final Entry: What's Our Reasons?
It sucks.. we sigh as our parents betray us!
crying through our parents enslaved trust!
exclamations put periods below nations
because a line of dust signifys our parents lust
meaning ..there is no meaning to a childs life
we're enslaved by our own knife ..
.. & boys are made to enslave a wife!
forced strife ..engaged in rage with our bothers
.. then we're frayed to see dissapointed fathers
it's obnoxious! but its our life, so we deal ..
discovering & living on things borderlined real
it's what we feel! the rage & firey desires, see
you ask why we die? just take a look at our diaries!

Rumors, lies ..ruined lives. people die
a book full of the tears i couldn't cry
Years of wasted life ..& i do not hide
..the only book that's tasted suicide!



A simple book ...secrets, true loves, hurts, tears, or meths
but if you look the worst of it all ...is parents, childrens, & deaths


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301316
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301653
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=301588

[KRATO'S]

this was really a nice drop cry...i see you continued the diary OM.
ok the flow was nice and the srtistic vision of vocab and emotion was really execyted to perfection my FAM. really nice. i liked your story telling and you kept me interested from start to finish on this drop from you

Rumors, lies ..ruined lives. people die
a book full of the tears i couldn't cry
Years of wasted life ..& i do not hide
..the only book that's tasted suicide!
^^
nice opener...like a type of suspense ish shit!

Once upon a time, the time of a girl died
because the trust of her parents was a lie!
she was to die, microwave on the right ..
but her parents ended up caring ..
..& put up a fight
so through the night, her body rustled ..
with dreams of self killings far from suddle
a girl, not help willing, finally stumbled
over this thing we call a life she lightly crumbled
^^
nice emotion. word'd simple yet alot of emotion was flet

Doors slam! Cords Jammed ..we scream back & forth
hear the children cry from east, south, west, & north!
..
abuse comes in full, thoughts steadily pull the mind ..
all thoughts of the right life, are slowly left behind
a sign of abuse! bruises, scars, & depression ..
.. but we refuse! to lose yards of obsession
to teach us a lesson, you outsmart the adolecent?
no! this boy leaves his home ..with nowhere to roam
but he stands all alone with nothing but his dome
food baskets? none ..food? he needs some
the hunger runs through his veins ..
.. as he sinks in his slum
^^
nice metas in here again nice emotion....felt this alot


nice piece overall i liked it alot

RTF on the last 2 links if ya can or just the last link

[Atti]

This was an average piece. It held alot of inconsistancies in the grammar and the tense that through me off quite a bit throughout the read... But at its heart the emotion and authenticity of the subject matter was beautiful. I really liked the way that the piece kicked off with that very eloquent and silent toned poetic intro. It was very catchy and left a nice impact. The highlight of this piece was definately the "5th Entry." That was very intense, highly emotional and engadging section. I feel like if the whole piece had followed suit as such, this would have been one of the most amazing drops I've seen in a quite some time in terms of emotion. The flow was typically pretty nice, again, tense issues and stuff like that though kind of slow the read and therefore flow suffers. Also, wording is an issue that if you work on would make all the difference in the quality of your pieces. Ummmmmm, ya, overall a decent drop. Concept isn't all that creative, but being as its a journal clearly the approach is going to be unique to the writer. Nice job... Just have to work on a few things.

[Cody Nash]

word thanks ..i tried a shorter structure this time too from my other pieces, so i was more distracted with keeping the lines at decent lengths, and i deleted some words. i understand what you mean ..like i was missing things. but thanks for the feed.

[Cody Nash]

bump, sleeping hoes.

[Soule]

...

The wordplay was nice. Not perfect. The structre was well done. The creativty and imagenary was dope/sick. The Story itself was damn near perfected. I had a movie in my head. Dont ask why. The rhyme skeme needed a lil work. Flow and internals were great. The peice itself is a 9-10. Keep it up fag.

~LeX

[mc pyro.]

nice peice here great storyline you took three topics and kinda wove them together to create this peice the imagery was dope just perfect it was in a lot of the lines to it painted an ilistration to the story, the flow was good and stayed mellow which was good your rhyme shceme was fairly complex and saw some complex rhymes in there so good peice stay up
leave feed on my om in my sig