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Thread: "Kabuki Theater" ft. LedgenZ & Onus

  1. #1

    "Kabuki Theater" ft. LedgenZ & Onus

    Bold - LedgenZ
    Regular - Onus
    Itallics - Myself

    back to dust
    and time
    time passing
    to black
    crashing, rolling,
    obliterating
    to black
    no sight
    but insight
    other senses
    intensify
    to tension
    i feel the black
    taste the black
    hear the black
    laugh and cry
    in a sense
    punishment for
    my innocence
    the last to die


    and the whore speaks...

    it's the stench... what?
    the stench of lipstick and purfume
    mixed with body oder and cheap liquor
    what about the stench?
    it's what excites you, is it not?
    it's so loud...

    Plucking the violins strings,
    We sing this simple symphony.
    Tickling that high G we can
    Learn the art of indecency.


    thats what Mada'm Cordell says.
    you don't understand do you?
    the stench, the noise.
    it infatuates you, does it not?
    it has a certain, nicotine so to speak.
    and what is this place?

    it's ironic...
    it's not being inside a woman
    nor is it the thrust, or the sensation.
    it's an environmental high.
    your clostrephobic irrection.
    you still havent answered my...

    Russian roulette with 9mms.
    She raps her tongue around
    The barrel and works her
    Mouth up and down the chamber,
    Winks and blows a kiss
    Before she pulls the trigger

    ... And you squint in delight.


    only the dark prism remains
    still imprisoned in pain
    seems i tempted
    religion in vain
    too late!


    We'll play solitaire with the Jack
    of Hearts; a stacked deck
    Makes for a ready hand.
    The chips are up my dear,
    Wager you virginity to the
    Backs of my eyelids
    And we'll call it a deal.


    you are in your act of lust.
    your guilty pleasure.
    your dream, and fantasy.
    your in your worst nightmare
    your in your twisted reality
    your life, your mind

    your bordeaux

    Lets all close our eyes
    Until our eyebrows
    kiss our cheek bones;
    Then we can dance
    In costume across this
    Kabuki Theater until
    The monsoon season hits.


    await
    await
    await
    I WAIT!
    Milleniums
    For God to come
    with light
    oh light! oh light!
    NO only night!


    I let out a scream
    and my soul cracks in two
    seems i never realized
    that God was waiting too.


    ... I'm alone with myself
    But yes, I can feel the love;
    I'll swallow my bottom lip
    Until the top one decides
    To cum and fallow.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  2. #2
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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    Eh. Basic. Not basic in poetry terms, but basic from writers like you.
    I was hoping for something more with the concept, but I'm am seriously tired of just hearing these emotional lines, with great desriptions, and nice imagery but that don't go anywhere such as shock or entertainment wise. Alright piece, don't get me wrong but I just want to see something different from you, Myself. I want to see something that's marvelous and that keeps my attention, not just a bunch of descriptive language. You're a great writer, but I'm getting bored reading from you, and that's not usual. LedgenZ was emotionally good, and he didn't go overboard with the vocabulary in his. Onus, Ive only seen a few from you but you're seriously catching on to the mindset of Abstantis, and I see you're getting it well.
    All in all, decent but boring piece. I want to see something with shock value from you, and I hope that you can bring it.

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  3. #3
    Don't worry, it's coming...
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  4. #4
    Can't teach you my swag! D. Josey's Avatar
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  5. #5
    The Best
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    lol. Atty, get on aim real quick if you can.

  6. #6
    I am on
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    nice.dramatic black imagery......... started off flowing fast. yeah was cool.....

    then the whore speaks.....lol
    yeah that pans out well........
    imagery doused. smells sounds.ugh.choke.(can feel it)....YUKK

    stench.........

    yeah was twisted lil journey.......



    cum & fallow.ha whats that?

    interesting joint

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