Topic
Deaths At Your Doorstep
due in 2 hours
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no dick riding votes
Topic
Deaths At Your Doorstep
due in 2 hours
unlimited lines
no dick riding votes
checkin in good luck homie.......
Deaths at my door step
Arose out of bed, feeling tired, there's a ring at the door
I swing out of bed, a creak as my feet hit the floor
Rush down the stairs, out of breath, clasping the pain in my chest
Wip open the door with a yawn, crack open my eyes upon my guest
Right out of a horror movie there he was, black hood and all
Trying to run through him felt like hitting a brick wall
I tried to stammer...'what do you want from me'?
Coldly staring down and raising his sword with a morbid glee
Cutting down with a strike before my eyes I feel the wind touch brush my face
As I dodge out of the way, spinning to exit, Death gives chase
Down the hallway out the backdoor, around the house and running
I'm outrunning death, he's miles behind me, this is stunning
Suddenly, I turn a corner, there he is, I'm stating death right in the face
Another stab with his scythe, this one inches from my waits
Back on my feet again and running, not knowing where I can go
Like death row..my number's up, it's time but I wont, I can't...I know
Cramps in my chesr, lungs are on fire, still I give not
With one trip or missed step I'm sent to my grave to rot
Now praying, trying to undo whatever I did to bring this down upon me
Deep down knowing I've done nothing, my number's up, religion's a mockery
Contemplating giving up, just letting death win, I mean I can't run forever
Maybe I'll get into heaven, peace and bliss for the rest of existence or even better
I then realize the under side of the card, eternal damnation...fire and burning
How much I want to live, what I havent done, my life and my yearning...
To live, and make sense of my existence, to fulfill life's means
Complete whatever I was sent here to do, see life, to teach and to learn
These thoughts racing through my head, can't concentrate, need to rest
Jogging to the end of the block..sputtering, muttering my curses, rubbing my neck
Appears as though I'm out of death's reach, I stop for breath, cant beleive my luck
Just a shame in the middle of the road, looking for death, I didnt see that truck
The End, Literally
DEATHS AT YOUR DOORSTEP
completely irrational at first, influenced with a quick burst,
my victims tend to lie 72 inches when they get out my herse,
Was a quiet weekend, however unfufilled to say the least,
unless i capture multiple numbers my life will surely cease
I certainly am death and claim numerous families smiles
you know not which form i take, for i have many styles
collapse broken hearts with an attack or maybe puliminary
lungs suffocated to the point of which the linning will bury
or patiently wait for the tar and nicotine to enter the tracks
running through backs, on spinal courses unleashin attacks
by this point you realize their ain't a point i can't reach
my skills I cant teach, but theres not a place i cant breach
if your on my list i travel to the end of this world land masses
laughed the time i heard "you wouldn't kill a man with glasses"
that's straight non-sense, I rip souls out regaurdless,
now you know a little fact in this world that's heartless,
Dont fear me my friend i know i have arrived on your door
unexpected, but if you know christ, it's a gift forever more
you may dispise me but i look at you through different vision
I do the work of god child, and its acted out with percision.
So when you see my hood walking down your desolate street
know pain infects my feet, for i know the outcome of all I meet!
When im at your front porch have no fear!
for if you lived right! the Christ shalll be near!
I EMBRACED THE DARK SIDE WHEN YOU STOLE MY SON
Uppin#1
I EMBRACED THE DARK SIDE WHEN YOU STOLE MY SON
v- crost over
why. because merc had everything the complete opposite of him. Merc had pretty bad rhyme schemes, randomly stretched lines and the metaphors werent as good as his past works.. crost had pretty good structure and a basic rhyme scheme as well. but it was mroe complex thant merc-a-lot. both stories were pretty decent iguess, but merc took it more litereally than crost, giving co the abstract edge.. so thats why im voting fo rhim!
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=300892
hit it ^
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Uppin#2
I EMBRACED THE DARK SIDE WHEN YOU STOLE MY SON
yea i was pretty tired when i wrote this but meh w.e thanks for showing
upp
Crost over had better flow 'n was on point 'n was makibng a statement in his verse. You could of fliped stuff 'n use metas and multies but you got it anyways. sma needs to work on stayiong on track 'n flowing. Crost over won with overall better verse.
v/ Crost over
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Word...
uppin#3
I EMBRACED THE DARK SIDE WHEN YOU STOLE MY SON
Uppin#4
I EMBRACED THE DARK SIDE WHEN YOU STOLE MY SON
Last And Final Up!
I EMBRACED THE DARK SIDE WHEN YOU STOLE MY SON
VERY NICE VERSE SIR...
You had everything going for you. multis, imagery, rythm, voice, everything was there, I come close to saying it was perfect, but I think a little tweaking could do, some rewording here and there...but all in all dope shit.
CrosT...your verse was ok, too basic if you ask me, your rhymin middle school here, usin a bit of vocab here and there, but not giving it your full ability and not enough imagery, therefore I dare say...
My vote = Sir Merc
Death to All Comers..
HAHA! LOVE THE ENDING MERC! You are talented maen', quick witted too. lol, I loved the ending... Wow! thats all I've got to say. I'm gonna print out your verse and like... freakin' frame that shit, it was excelent! *applause*
CrosT Over... meh', ok. Is it over yet?
I am haunted by dreams...
Wild streams of a Devil's storm gleams to me
His blade upon the arising sun's dawn
Is beautifully mystikal, as if I was in love
With a doom which has struck my skull
Yet, the shock of a grim war
Has left me as a lost cause
In the middle of all this blood and gore
The life I used to live is at an end... too far
I've gone so long without a pulse...
-Namic
Bloodz-You're verse was hella basic. The storyline it's self was decent but the rhyme sheme was ver basic and vocabulary was very basic. You need to throw more metaphores into your piece and emotion to bring it alive. The imagery was flow weren't bad but it lacked in substance. I've read some of your other work and this piece let me down I know you can do better.
Crost- I feel like you had a much better storyline. Although I've seen MUCH better from you this was okay. You're rhyme sheme was also very basic but you used better vocabulary and more emotion. You had some metaphores but you should try to incorporate some more into you're piece. This had more depth and substance then Bloodz verse so that's why I'm giving it to you.
V. Crost
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IJL
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