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Thread: On My Own

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    On My Own

    On My Own

    Written By-IL Duce

    The wind hit my ravishing face,purifying my pours,
    My hert filled with happiness as I stepped on free land,
    I once was a shadow,but now my true colours will be shown,
    A lifetime of being mistreated and forgotton,I am now on my own,
    I can now escape from hell and out of my chamber of doom,
    Which was filled with unspoken horrors and touched with subtle gloom,
    My mental state was weak as I lived in a dark corner,
    Never to be seen,just put there,and left like an old antique,
    Many a day I have cried,as my nightmare went on and on,
    Each second devestating,crushing my heart and strangling my soul,
    People severly abused,killled,battered and raped,
    But there was no escape as the walls drew upon you,
    Your screams a whisper and your thoughs were nothing,
    It may echo through the corridors but nobody will hear you,
    You are helpless,you must sit sit through the mind burning pain,
    Wait until it is all over and then be ready for it to happen again
    But all that is behind me,the sun will brightrn up my soul,
    I may e 50 but my aim is to die pure and old,
    I have a second chance,I feel like a cat with 9 lives,
    I must grasp it,as my life is no longer been played on a thread,
    Your free.....Smile,let people know your there,
    Don't be a shadow,make friends rather than spend your life alone,
    Keep within the boundries and respect what god has givin,
    And be always be thnkful for the gift of life,


    This is my 1st poem back in a long time,so just tell me what yo think.
    "Children and lunatics cut the Gordian knot which the poet spends his life patiently trying to untie."
    Jean Cocteau

    x1 PSHOF

    Imminent Evolution



  2. #2
    The Best
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    lol, "ravishing face". conceeded much? lol. anyway, i liked this peace for the most part, in the beginning. here's where it kinda went off to me.

    I can now escape from hell and out of my chamber of doom,
    Which was filled with unspoken horrors and touched with subtle gloom,
    My mental state was weak as I lived in a dark corner,
    Never to be seen,just put there,and left like an old antique,
    Many a day I have cried,as my nightmare went on and on,
    Each second devestating,crushing my heart and strangling my soul,
    People severly abused,killled,battered and raped,
    But there was no escape as the walls drew upon you,
    Your screams a whisper and your thoughs were nothing,
    It may echo through the corridors but nobody will hear you,
    You are helpless,you must sit sit through the mind burning pain,
    Wait until it is all over and then be ready for it to happen again
    you strayed off to how it 'was' and didn't stay on the topic that your free now. then in the end you seemed like you were teaching a lesson of freedom to those who are free, which was ok, but i feel you could have done more with this. i would have liked to see you write in the direction i thought you were going from the beginning, which was telling a story of how you ajust to freedom and how you react to the new opportunities and whatnot. this was ok but you could broaden your horizons with your topics more. keep writing though, its obvious your very talented, Mr. Hall of Famer lol.

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Lol I know.I really had lost intrest for a while and took a break for a while but this is just to get me going again.Just a quick poem in 10 mins.The next will be a lot better.Onus pm me when you have time.
    "Children and lunatics cut the Gordian knot which the poet spends his life patiently trying to untie."
    Jean Cocteau

    x1 PSHOF

    Imminent Evolution



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