User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: "Virgin Mary: Surrogate"

  1. #1

    "Virgin Mary: Surrogate"

    Your toxins tiptoe the hallow
    Walkway of this placenta;
    Spitting stagnant HIV in the
    Swollen mouths of quarantined.

    Mrs. maternity leave sucks
    Down her candy cigarettes;
    Mmm, smells like teenage suicide.
    Drink up Mary, virginity
    Is only a word.

    Choking on the backward
    Clouds; dangling from a noose
    Threaded with heart strings
    And aerated syringe hymns.

    Spill your sickened amniotics
    Across the Vegas sidewalk;
    Your naked bastard is
    What sin touches itself to.

    Sifting subtle flesh shutters,
    Innocence kissed the air
    Before black tar filled
    His fragile body, with the
    Bane of purity slipping from
    Two porcelain eyes.

    The Devil loves to dance

    ... and the blue eyed baby
    Jesus opens his palms wide
    To catch that sultry kiss
    From a passing whore.

    The two dance in circles
    Faster! Faster! Faster!

    Waltzing crop circles into
    Mommy's spine, they dance
    On the eighth octave of
    Of a frantic mother's scream!

    Her tears trample muddy skies
    Before taking pace along
    The Mississippi gorge,
    And pouring shattered
    Hearts in the key hole
    Of Pandora's box.

    This child is a shining star;
    In the center of the 9th gate...
    Run little one, we've
    Got hell to raise.
    Last edited by Atti; July 14th, 2006 at 10:43 AM
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  2. #2
    The Best
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Currently- NC
    Age
    34
    Posts
    552
    Battle Record
    5-6
    i will tell you, this has a very dark feel to it, VERY dark. lol anyway, i kinda like poetry that rhymes but i can definatly appreciate this peice. this has an exellent story to it and the emotion you used wasnt bad either.

    The Devil loves to dance.

    The dancing blue eyed baby
    Jesus opens his palms wide
    To catch that sultry kiss
    From a passing whore.

    The two dance in circles
    Faster! Faster! Faster!

    Waltzing crop circles into
    Mommy's spine, they dance
    On the eighth octave of
    Of a frantic mother's scream!

    Her tears trample muddy skies
    Before taking pace along
    The Mississippi gorge,
    And pouring shattered
    Hearts in the key hole
    Of Pandora's box.

    This child is a shining star;
    In the center of the 9th gate...
    Run little one, we've
    Got hell to raise.
    those were my favorite parts, i liked the way you switched the whole theme around and made jesus like a little a devil baby lol. this is extremely enjoyable. i loved this peice immensly. fuck you for being so damn good!!!

    but keep writing.

  3. #3
    Lol... Apreciate it man.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  4. #4
    None
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    20,660
    Battle Record
    18-0
    I don't even know what to make of parts of this on my first read...and I'm not reading it again... but I did like it if that means anything, lol

    pz

  5. #5
    Lol, ya, I write pretty cryptically... If you read like, "I Wish you were a Polaroid" that's more emotional and simplistic rather than complex and metaphorical. Haha, I apreciate the attempt though
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  6. #6
    dead on revival soulstice.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    3,204
    Battle Record
    8-3
    Im pretty sure I understood this.. the line with virginity is only a word, has got to be one of the nicest stanza-topic-incorpotation i ve seen in a while. I'm seeing the Omen soon, and this would be a purty nice thing to think about while i see it, lol. the vocabulary was pretty nice, as always, along with those metaphors... great write

    hit up "Tomborrow" the poetic version.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  7. #7
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Northern Ireland
    Age
    33
    Posts
    17,788
    Battle Record
    11-10
    Awards OM HOF
    yep this is definitely my favourite poem so far this week, it was dark, and that's what I love to see in poems/OMs/Life . I know that I'm always giving you praise, but that's because you NEVER produce anything that I don't like . the imagery in this peice was fucking amazing, seriously. I could really get in to this peice unlike most others. as usual you has dope metaphors and vocabulary,this was a really enjoyable peice, and I can't wait for your next drop.

    The Devil loves to dance

    ... and the blue eyed baby
    Jesus opens his palms wide
    To catch that sultry kiss
    From a passing whore.

    The two dance in circles
    Faster! Faster! Faster!

    Waltzing crop circles into
    Mommy's spine, they dance
    On the eighth octave of
    Of a frantic mother's scream!

    Her tears trample muddy skies
    Before taking pace along
    The Mississippi gorge,
    And pouring shattered
    Hearts in the key hole
    Of Pandora's box.
    ^my favourite part
    real dope shit dude I fucking loved this peice. Props.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    24 x OM Hall Of Fame

  8. #8
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    10,394
    Battle Record
    18-1
    Awards OM HOF PS Champion/IE Champion PS HOF PS Season champ Legendary PC PC HOF
    Closed- Three poems open.
    -Poeta.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 0
    Last Post: April 14th, 2008, 10:59 AM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: January 10th, 2004, 12:00 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •