User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Please Understand.

  1. #1
      Touch.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Age
    33
    Posts
    4,053
    Battle Record
    10-1

    Please Understand.

    It doesn’t matter what you say, Il still love you any way
    Every minute of every hour of every day, Ill be wondering if your ok


    Why cant you just be my friend, Why wont this shit just end
    It doesn’t matter what’s been done, everything we did used to be fun
    Once I dreamed we watched the sun, but I smile and you laugh and turn
    ever since I said I love you girl, its like your in another world
    What’s this about you, not liking what I do
    Its hard but baby I can change, its going to sound strange
    But please lets give it ago, lets not take it fast well take it slow
    I love you more then I can ever show, every day I love you more and more
    I cant help but be me, just why cant you see
    That baby were meant to be, with out you all ill ever be is empty
    I haven’t got the key to your heart,I cant stand it when were apart
    i love you, i love you, i love you, i hope you say you love me too
    Last edited by Touch.; June 23rd, 2006 at 02:11 PM
    Touch
    I'll Be The Fire That'll Catch You


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  2. #2
      Touch.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Age
    33
    Posts
    4,053
    Battle Record
    10-1
    Touch
    I'll Be The Fire That'll Catch You


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  3. #3
    ..Own You
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    905
    Battle Record
    1-0
    Kinda More Of A Poem I Think... But Other Than That, A Really Good Topic. Good Emotion Of The Guys Feelings Towards His Girl. The Vocab Could Be A Bit Better. The Structure Was Good, Flow Was Good. Being Longer With The Lines Might Be A Good Idea. Because I Kinda Feel You Only Told Half The Story. But WhatEver.. Good Job

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  4. #4
    ...
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    820
    Battle Record
    13-5
    Yeah I thought it was more poetry, I didn't like your rhyming, you didn't have good vocab, the emotion I thought was missing in this piece, is was too short, and too vague, a lot of the lines were weak, and I didn't feel like they really meant anything, if you changed some lines and put it in more of an open mic structure, I'm sure it'd be good...

  5. #5
      Touch.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Age
    33
    Posts
    4,053
    Battle Record
    10-1
    its was ment to be a pop song but since i started to do oms i thought i could put it in here......and the ryme skeme isnt ment to be like that they wer ment to be short so the 1 line with to lines in it was 2 lines originally so i put um together to make it longer
    Touch
    I'll Be The Fire That'll Catch You


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  6. #6
    Legend.
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    England
    Posts
    9,059
    Battle Record
    41-0
    Awards Haiku Champion - Award Request Accepted FL Champion - Award Request Accepted Haiku Season Champion PC HOF FL Tournament Winner 25+ Wins
    it was an ok drop.....i liked it.....sounds like you have serious affection for whom ever your talking about.....the lines were good and it rhymes well......vocab i thought there was no problem there.....and imagery and emotion was there throughout.....overall a good drop keep going!....
    Legend.
    RB Original.

    Meta. Convicts.
    18-0 Crew Record, 06-07 Best Crew.

  7. #7
      Touch.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Age
    33
    Posts
    4,053
    Battle Record
    10-1
    thanx uppin
    Touch
    I'll Be The Fire That'll Catch You


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Similar Threads

  1. To Understand
    By WhatsHisFace in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: October 26th, 2011, 04:10 AM
  2. I'll Understand
    By D.S. in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: December 7th, 2008, 01:38 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •