"Today is for Lovers"

[Opus]

In her garden the words pardoned her lips;
jumped ship in the black sea, horses
carried me along the serenade of her kiss.
Danced along the mascara masquerade,
before a hands wave hit shore upon its break.
With palms as one, single handed...
We caught arrows cupid dipped in canvas.
Pull the arrow, the marrows sing in tangent,
we'll bleed the seed Tomorrow's beauty
never even bothered to come plant in
................ When this love we brandish.

In tomorrow I see us, you, me, we
... tomorrow's today, just forever
We'll dance for eternity.

Follow the candle light; hollow eve's night,
I'll wait an eternity for the door to form life
in your figure to finish in this poetry we write.
Yesterday has standards; answers are plagued,
today is for us to stand and erase, take my hand
............... and we'll dance the cancers away.
The artist loves this masterpiece mark;
Crafted her heart of ash wood arms,
cupped the rivers withering rush of covers
and sang the range of us in opus May:
............................ Today is for lovers.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=296737
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=295980

[D. Josey]

I loved this piece. I dunno why but I loved it.

I'm leaving feed on this, becuase I'm tired of kids not getting proper comments on their work, and I know I don't like to get my piece slept on.

Anyway, your vocabulary was on point in this piece. I had no idea what you were capable of, as being the only work I saw of you was in "Cypher" in the Topical thread. I loved it. The emotion was nice, and the concept was filled out nicely. Your whole wordplay was nice. Structure was consistent, but you could've done without all the periods. Still, it was a good piece, and I liked it as I told you about 300 times. I liked the imagery of it, and how it persuaded me to read more, and more.

Nice job on this one.
Check out either Flipside or Eden's Coast.

[Opus]

not sure how the feed is yet, seems kind of slow but i guess i'll find out what you're talking about soon enough. thanks for taking the time though.

[Endeva.]

short and sweet, cos im lazy, lol

well...

i think your strong point with this was the imagery, nicely portrayed
the rhyme scheme was not really to my taste, but the flow wasnt bad, if anything id maybe have lengthened some of your bars

but... overall not a bad drop, its a common choice of topic, so not too original, but yea not bad... next time maybe take longer thinking about a concept to use

check my OM out man

pz

[Opus]

ya it was just a quick piece for my girlfriend, thanks for the responce. yours is all done.

[Opus]

hoping for alittle more feedback?

[Ramokon]

i felt this, it kind of had a poetry taste it. nice use of words, the vocabulary fit well in the structure. also the flow was str8 but the imagry in this piece made it real well. the emotion was also nice. it is a common topic but you used it well....

hit up my OM Eulogy for me

[Opus]

i just replied to your piece man

[ktorious]

it was ite but ur ryhmes were lacking

[A.O.D]

I really like this. Your flow was very capturing and easy to read. The vocab was good throughout and you had a good concept on this. I liked the imagery and detail you put into describing each word. I'm going to look forward to see'n more from you.

[Opus]

your litteracy is lacking

lol thanks A, i'm going to try and do another one soon

[Opus]

*upping*

[Opus]

man, its sort of slow around here

[~SILENT~]

Nice piece here.....

I know it is hard to get feed on good om's , but this one caught my eye. This piece went really well wth the topic choosen & really sticked to the topic. The main point of this piece though was it's consistent imagery. That was really o point. Some time's that is one of the hardest thing's to do with some topic's. But this was an overall nice piece, really good in my perspective.

Feedback appreciated:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=297394

[Opus]

i just finished feeding your piece