A Vampires Will.

[Soule]

Dear Angela,

I am sorry that you may never see me again, but it's for you'r safety
The town's people are after me till the end, you have every right to blame me
Blood drips down my fangs as if I'm a monster, but you know I'm not
Thats all that matters is you're oppionion, Forget the bear and the pot
I am forever in you're heart my love, and you know my thoughts
No matter how many times I've been above, I've never been caught
I've killed three men today with my own hands, drank their blood to stay
The mayor said that their gonna have to take a stand, so I must run away
My life has been a scary story since my brother passed on ten years ago
I just wish people would leave you alone and just let me go, I'll die slow
If you're in any trouble just scream, I'll be there with no hesitation at all
I wish this was just a horrible dream, If they rope you're throat, dont fall
I will be you're superman or you're knight, just keep trusting me my dear
For I do not have one single fear, but as a man I can still shed a watery tear
And as I right this my life come to a end, I forgot about my last three kills
But I will never for get you as my sin, I create the first Vampires Will.

Love,
Count Drac

[Soule]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post4537207
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post4537228

Hit this up Honestly with more then just 4 line Feed backs please.

[Soule]

Rise please..Honest feed.

[Facts Machine]

I liked this, it was creative and you had an okay rhymescheme but some lines seemed stretched and would have been better with more multiples. I like how you attempted to be more poetic with the "watery tear" line but it was a failed attempt cuz obviously tears are watery... so it's like unnecessary.. that's like saying "i'll burn you with hot fire".. like no shit, fire's hot.. lol. So yea work on those kind of phrases. yeah so nice idea and all, pretty good piece.

[Soule]

lol I busted out laughing at this.that's like saying "i'll burn you with hot fire".. like no shit, fire's hot.. lol. Thanks man. Rise.

[Soule]

lol Rise please.

[Soule]

upp.

[Lurid]

I expected a lil more creativity with this piece, u had a good topic but i didnt see it expressed at its best capability, the flo was kinda blan no real multis or anything to keep it going, there was decent imagry but nothing that would paint a vivd picture in my mind, the emotion was there but nothing really stood out to grab my attention. U said some lines that jus shouted out at u and really grabbed u but then u jus kinda moved on with the emotions and the scene making it less of somthing that would really matter and more of somthing u jus wanted to spit and get out of ur way. vocab was decent expected some more complex lines and metaphors. decent piece

plez leave feed on the top OM in my sig thnx