up # 4
vote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Spekz.
-wordplay-
up # 4
vote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#5 Up....
upping for the last time yall....
no more sleeping!
Upping!.........................
Succeed Without Fear
Written Voices
i know how this topical bullshit voting is, i have 2 of them open. *hint hint* .. lol, so i'll vote on it. from what i see, a good battle. i'll read now . . .
Wordplay - it was decent. i've never seen you write topical, so i'm going to assume this is close to, or one of your first pieces. for a first or second, this is deffinatly alright. the structure was a bit creative/odd. sometimes your writing was hard to read and the wording of the lines made the flow choppy. you need EVERYTHING to move smoothley. you described things pretty breifly as well, and i feel the little writing in the middle was just an attempt to take up some lines so you wouldn't have to write as much, but it was still okay. the storyline, it was, well . . . predictable. i saw the outcome of the story coming. it was a sad thing, but it's been done. you need to be more creative with the outcomes, middles, beginnings. ATTRACT your reader, then you'll do better. I believe you can become good with this, just keep trying.
Spekz - pretty good. pretty steady verse, vocab was nice and firm as usual. but firm and steady is not what makes a good piece. now i read this, and i see your other pieces. and i say to myself, "What the fuck?" where's that fire, that creativity, the twisted/creative mind of the writer i once read from? you've got some nice stuff, and i really enjoy reading. but this just seemed so plain. it went along real steadily and smoothley, but there were no sharp turns in the story, no HUGE events or anything. i mean a young pregnant girl? you had a nice way to write about it, but the concept was just a bit rugged. either you didn't try on this too hard, or you just disliked the topic. i don't really know, i know you can do better though.
Overall, we had experienced, good, and overall just a nice steady verse VS. begginner, decent at best, okay piece. the winner was obvious, but i'm proud of wordplay for doing this battle and coming through with it like he did. it shows he doesn't care and that he can set his mind to pretty much anything. EVEN THOUGH, spekz won this. wordplay deffinatly get's my grattitude for trying this out. good job man,
both were alright.
v. Spekz
wordplay - I felt ya shit was too basic n' like something i've seen many times before. You need to work on your vocabulary as much of it was far too basic for a topical and I felt your flow was a bit forced at times. Topicals should read perfectly. So yea, work on the vocab and being more original as this piece really didn't seem like anything special to me.
Spekz - I liked your closer, your piece was more complete and better written than wordplays, but I feel your flow was a bit forced at times as well for example the mind in space line. You have potential though, just work on being more polished and making sure everything goes together nicely. Not a bad piece, but also could have been more original.
Vote - Spekz
agreed. thx alot for peepin this cry!Originally Posted by Cry
and yes, its my 4th time doing topical...
i figured it would be a good workout for the skillz
to battle someone of spekz caliber.
i really wasnt tryin to make the smaller spots look like they took more lines,
i was kinda experimenting w/ my structure on topicals a lil.
and reading my own work, i agree about the creativity....
i usually get more creative and have in my other pieces,
but sometimes ive gotten so creative w/ topics that peeps
say i go str8 off topic, i was a lil more focused on emotion on this one...
next time, i'll try to bring it all together, n get the emotion n creativity
on the same level, n come w/ more vocab.
this battle's taking to long to close folks.
-honesty-
spekz won this.
so really, the only thing left to do is get it closed.
n im a good sport, so he gets my vote too.
vote - spekz, nice drop fam!
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First verse
was simplistic yet the meter made for a good fluid read. Nothing astonishing or off the charts here. I hate when lines are predictable, and your verse was very predictable. The take on topic was not very orinigal and just done one too many times. You didn't bring anything to the table that would have made up for the take on concept. Interesting structure, I've seen it in the past, worked for you, just lack of content though. Emotion was there, but imagery lacked, and the played concepts here hurt your chances at winning with emotive projection. Just not doign it here.
Speks, not a very dope verse from you, but you did have the twist and some what original take on the topic. Emotion was not what I would expect, but you did a good enough job with the concept here to take the win in this. I did think you could have worked out that ending better, and did mroe witht he other componets. Sruely not an SS verse, that we both know...
Overall, both verses lacked depth.
vote = spekz
Well I gotta go wit that.Perfect sence.Wordplay you are good and I can see real potential on this topic for you.You only really started with it and I am impressed on what I've seen
Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
So far so good.....
So far so good.....
So far so good.....
But how you fall doesn't matter
Its how you land
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