Technicolor Angel

[Baron Mynd]

Haha, you`re pretty good. Great descriptions, nice imagery, your wording is a little long-winded at times, but you're getting there. I liked the flow more in your last drop, the lines were quite a lot longer syllable-wise in this one, but I see what you tried to do - You attempted to inject more multies and a steadier scheme into your stuff, and while you didnt pull it off perfectly - You at least have an idea of what you want to achieve, and you're working towards it - WHICH IS GREAT! The only way you'll learn is just practice, practice, practice- and mucho props to you for doing that. You`ll go far here if you maintain that attitude.

Keep at it bro.

[soulstice.]

thanks man.

[soulstice.]

.....?l.dfkfpskrpfds

[Tony Brown]

wow, your 13? hmm, never woulda guessed. your vocabulary is way beyond that of someone that age. i came into the thread, peeked at your joined date and figured this would be a waste of time so i just sort of glanced at the piece and started to leave a comment telling you to shorten your lines lol but some reason i decided to read it and you really surprised me. very original topic, though i recently saw one OM titled "idiot box" but that's not the point lol good word choice but i'd have to say this seemed more like a poem than a topical to me. the lines actually were sort of stretched in my opinion but im assuming flow was sacrificed for more internal multies and i'd have to say it wasn't really worth it. still a good read none the less, good job