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Thread: Ice on Steel

  1. #16
    Soule
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    Nominated for the 5th fucking time :ROFL: this got the HOF spot trust me.
    You should lead the poetic team for my crew.

  2. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by el poeta
    And is till think you should stick to yuor own style dude... Just i would personally suggest placing more imagery.

    You know when i'm feeding on a piece i'm not hating, i'm just trying to help writers.
    I know and that's why I love your feed
    big up's thanks for the feed...............
    Open for more feed........................

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by .Jay.
    Nominated for the 5th fucking time :ROFL: this got the HOF spot trust me.
    You should lead the poetic team for my crew.
    I dont write to make the Hall of fame I write
    for the fun of it If I make it oh well.............

  4. #19
    Soule
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    Hmm Nice Attitude.

  5. #20
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by .Jay.
    Nominated for the 5th fucking time :ROFL: this got the HOF spot trust me.
    You should lead the poetic team for my crew.
    But if it's not really worthy of HoF what does that say ?

    Critical is a very good writer with alot of potential... i mean alot of potential, i can't wait to see him reach that ability he has to the fullest... once he adapts into his own, personally i think he could be one of the best poets on the site.

    But this particular piece has alot of flaws in it... It's not HoF worthy... Beleive me when i say, if he coninues he WILL have HoF thats are more than worthy...
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  6. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by el poeta
    But if it's not really worthy of HoF what does that say ?

    Critical is a very good writer with alot of potential... i mean alot of potential, i can't wait to see him reach that ability he has to the fullest... once he adapts into his own, personally i think he could be one of the best poets on the site.

    But this particular piece has alot of flaws in it... It's not HoF worthy... Beleive me when i say, if he coninues he WILL have HoF thats are more than worthy...
    Thanks And I agree in my eye's hof dont mean anything
    I just Write for the love of writing so If i dont make it
    so what if I do so what and el poeta I think am far from
    the best poet on this site to me it's you word.......

  7. #22
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    ****************
    Quote Originally Posted by Critical.
    Ice on Steel

    By-Critical.


    Breath of steel and ice,
    Cold and distant,
    Gray areas abound.****NICE LINES HERE.VERY COMPLEX...I LIKE THESE***

    Shapes appear in mists of clouded sight
    Hope is lost in ensuing chaos:
    A plunge from highest steeple.***THIS IS FIGURATIVE RHYMES......DOPE........DOPE******

    Superman is dead;
    The backbone of a people
    Shattered by their own tendencies.****VERY COMPLEX HERE...IM SEEING THERE POSITION..THERE UNENEVITABLE SOON TO BE FATE******

    Novelty is the only thing that keeps us alive.
    There is nothing new, however.
    That luxury is reserved for beasts and fools.
    ****TRUE.TRUE.......BEAST AND FOOLS...LOVING IT*****
    Call it fatalistic;
    Call it what it is.
    Caring can only lead to heartbreak.
    ****DEEP .VERY EMOTIONAL*******
    Call your name into the wind.
    Does it answer?
    Does it answer?
    *****QUESTIONABLE ..NICE REFLEXTION TO GET THE READER IN THE STORY....****
    Shout your name to the heavens.
    No one is listening.
    God is dead or gone.
    ****THIS IS THE DISASTER IM SEEING NOW.I'VE BEEN PREPARING FOR IT SINCE I STARTED READING YOUR POEM*******
    No one to listen anymore.
    Do you care?
    Ice on steel is the ultimate epitome.
    ****EPITOME.DAMN MAN.NICE.NICE......LIKE YOUR CHOICE OF WORDS HERE******
    Ice on steel is all that remains.
    There is cold, and there is unyielding.
    That is all that remains.
    ****THIS IS THE PERFECT ENDING TO A POEM SUCH AS THIS.....LOVINGTI MAN.KEEP IT UP.P-E-A-C-E.******

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    (HHFS)-Good ol' Days
    R o y a l

  8. #23
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    Thanks For Feed........

  9. #24
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    Your Welcome.i'll Upp It For Ya..........................

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    (HHFS)-Good ol' Days
    R o y a l

  10. #25
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    Uppinn For More Feed.........

  11. #26
    The Witness. Witty's Avatar
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    I think you should definitely keep writing,I see serious potential behind those lines,you have a very interstinbg style,and to be honest I really liked it,the back bone part of this poem was what really set it off for me,it was beautifully worded, you did a very good job there.....you were lacking in imagery which is a very important part of a poem....and if you could add this in to your peice, it would be outstanding, The vocab was top notch and I'm glad to see that you didn't dumb it down for the less intelligent people of RB.As el poeta said I don't think this is HOF worthy just yet...but if you keep writing and elevating your skills you will get in to HOF very soon.I'm glad to see your attitude to writing,that you do not care about HOF and that you are writing because you enjoy it,this is the way it should be done. 'Do not write for HOF or Legends...Write for yourself' that is what I go by.This is a very good peice and as I said you have crazy potential....keep at it,and we will see you in HOF soon.nice job

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  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Witness.
    I think you should definitely keep writing,I see serious potential behind those lines,you have a very interstinbg style,and to be honest I really liked it,the back bone part of this poem was what really set it off for me,it was beautifully worded, you did a very good job there.....you were lacking in imagery which is a very important part of a poem....and if you could add this in to your peice, it would be outstanding, The vocab was top notch and I'm glad to see that you didn't dumb it down for the less intelligent people of RB.As el poeta said I don't think this is HOF worthy just yet...but if you keep writing and elevating your skills you will get in to HOF very soon.I'm glad to see your attitude to writing,that you do not care about HOF and that you are writing because you enjoy it,this is the way it should be done. 'Do not write for HOF or Legends...Write for yourself' that is what I go by.This is a very good peice and as I said you have crazy potential....keep at it,and we will see you in HOF soon.nice job

    Damn Hella feed back love it thanks
    an lot Witness and What ever happens
    with hall of fame happens whether I make
    it or lot now that's get of that topic just
    want some more feed back thanks people.

  13. #28
    Damn! Pusha Money is long Pusha C's Avatar
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    I was feelin this piece man ...
    It had deep feeling to it ...
    Read kinda like a mix of a poem/rap verse ...
    Good usage in vocabulary... The flow was on point...
    Metaphors were there.... and Excellent structure....
    THEY GONE HATE ME NOW

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pusha C
    I was feelin this piece man ...
    It had deep feeling to it ...
    Read kinda like a mix of a poem/rap verse ...
    Good usage in vocabulary... The flow was on point...
    Metaphors were there.... and Excellent structure....
    Word man thanks for the feed back........

  15. #30
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    Open for more feed............

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