Until We Part

[XM]

Until We Part

Like the ocean, we can see the beginning but never its end
So down to earth, and deep, but yet at times, im shallow
I tend to contemplate our relationship, nothing perticully
Its just im look'n for symetrics, but viewed perpendicully

Its seems no matter how far the past lies, it remains present
Reminisent of condimmed times as i strive for unrival'd trust
Visions foreshadow my future, though unclear to a clouded mind
Imprisoned by scattered thoughts, confused from a bridaled time

Only I can be held accountable for my actions, with just decisions
As i wonder the mentals as if a lost soul seeking redemption for mistakes
To stand here and accept responsibility, to be honest and renamed wise
Until we part, i guess the quickest way to a point would be a straight line

........I shall be true....I promise..

Hey look no dots.....lol

[Soule]

Fucking Dope!

[XM]

ups.

[Liquid Content]

IJL yup. what up wit that sig in the request forum?

but yeah to your poem

structure starts off choppy and then gets a little better at the end of the first stanza and then goes off again.. your structure was difficult here it made it hard to read it because i kept having to replacemyself to get my flow going again.
your emotion in this piece was outstanding though i really felt it in the second stanza and your imagery was there aswell you could have upped your vocab in this a little bit to bring more complexity to it but other then that and the structure i dont really see anything thats needs to be workd on.. overall a solid piece

can you hit up my new piece strength its in my sig.

[XM]

yeah thanx fo da feed

[evil king]

good creativity good wording over all good poem keep it up I felt the emotion in it too good shit.

[XM]

ups.

[..IllThoughtZ..]

this was a good piece because it was straight forward and to the point...I liked the way you took simple words but made it seem as though they had deeper meaning...and this was deep.
I enjoyed reading this piece....imagery was used decently..
overall good good stuff...