Shutter to Reality...

[bobericc_lyrics]

if you suffer depressional issues or sudden mood swings....hit the back button. and if your not serious about this click the back button.
*zooms into the place of a young heart broken man*

next mourning sneeks up... to the brim, my eyes fill
so naturally they creep up,
i see her again on the other side of the window cill
so i close the shutter...
.
.

with motions impossibe, the shades twist-up 'till topped
and i thought a pause ago.. the horizon was forever lost
how, between my light and my dark is a wooden shutter?
the pins make my life spark,
yet i cant denie my presence in the gutter,
and my own lover, she walks along my memories in depth
our passions & our problems, we shared them till death
her ivory eyes, and ruby lips, a figure no less of a godess
she always told me, "hold on"..letting go was the hardest
to the left of my cranium resides your screams heard
you were my last sight before another carbeams swerved
when i woke out of devastation in crimson red, half guzzled
i stood looking at your pale face with my mind puzzled,
my mouth muzzled,
somehow reality escaped through that dumbfounded rubble
a mere seat belt to be saved, i was driving...so whos fault?
when upon ur grave, the shutter morphs into a huge vault
suddenly it closes on my face...
.
.

next mourning sneeks up... to the brim, my eyes fill
so naturally they creep up,
i see her again on the other side of the window cill
so i close the shutter...
.
.
it feels like my world's stalked, by despair but indispite
my shutter remains locked, my life like a stormy night,
the truth blew me from fiction,
the true excuse is i hide behind a rebuttle
i faced addictions, one was tears that soon became puddles
i couldnt admit, i killed the one i so-much desired
my mental almost stitched, then rippled like barbed wires
so confused, the needles lost its help to amuse
i shorten my breath with the tighter-a-nuse
and get a step closer to her every second, bringing me back
to again, watch the particles around me shift into black
my piece broken, so know im a confused lover or fighter
cuz everyday i attempt suicide, so my heart pounds lighter.
.

next mourning sneeks up... to the brim, my eyes fill
so naturally they creep up,
i see her again on the other side of the window cill
so i close the shutter...

[bobericc_lyrics]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288725

[Tae Profit]

yea...u got better, bout 2 steps off HOF type shyt homie. good job.

[hacker]

my word for ya like tae profit
yea...u got better, bout 2 steps off HOF type shyt homie. good job.

[MCtrini]

This piece to me was very mixed in quality.
Your structure and flow seemed good and even your metaphors at times seemed great. However some words you used didn't really rhyme at times and some of your metaphors seemed strained.
Eg. forced rhyme -
"with motions impossibe, the shades twist-up 'till topped
and i thought a pause ago.. the horizon was forever lost"

Metaphor? - "my mental almost stitched, then rippled like barbed wires"

You used a complex approach to your topic and this deep approach definitely worked. It was an above average piece but would have been better if the technical points were tighter. Elevate on those points home.