Depression

[EvilJester]

The hate i felt was an undeniable passion
And soon it became an unthinkable obsession
the words i said forcing a new breed of opression
like water from my mouth they spilled out in sucession

Drowning my enemy, Was like drowning my sorrows
The feeling is deep and it has a system of burrows
As my weakness becomes apparent my eyebrow furrows
For who could impale my body with the thousands of arrows

Thousands of arrows that simbolise my weakness
Tearing me apart and revealing the darkness
Compression of the mind, assasination of the heart
"This, my dear, is what they call art"

Walking around, like being shot with a shotgun
Laying down, like being run over in london
Can you feel this, the power of this?
The emotion i have, ignorance is bliss.

Looking out of the window, the wind is howling
And somewhere in the fog a force is prowling
Looking for something the infect with this disease
Depression of the mind is passed on with ease.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...72#post4306672
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post4306661

[M-A-D]

less joining words

[InfaMouzMami]

yo this was actually pretty good.... i just think you could've had better choice of wording... some of the wording threw the poem its self off a little but overall it was goo0d nice job kid

hit up mah om Life - http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=284913

thanks .... keep it up

[Lyric Striker]

yo kid...this was pretty nice...ya rhymes were tight and ya flow was really nice
topic was interesting....i realy enjpoyed reading this even though you could have put more stuff intom it was pretty short and you also could have put more complexity and imagery into it..but thats ok this was pretty nice..keep at it homie..peace~

[EvilJester]

cheers everyone, tommoro i might have another go at this subject with different flow/vocab, ect

[2hot2handle]

It was above average. Ive heard this type of rhyming before, kinda like busta rhymes. Like his put ya hands where my eyes can see uses like one word rhyming. THis was cool, vocab was ok, its the type of vocab ive heard before. Good topic, and good structure. You need to improve but if this was a NCAA like tournament, it would get past only the first round.

[Carnage ProoF]

lol^^NCAA

Ayoo flow was nice vocab was iight you is betta on tha om then tha FL bruvv do ya slef a fav n stay out demm FL ayo this piece was good thoe keep tha good shit upp
Try too be lil more..............emotional n creative iight bruv?

[EvilJester]

yeah man, cheers everyone
Depression 2, its comin! :P

[EvilJester]

yeah man, cheers everyone for the advice

[EvilJester]

Uppinn

[Atti]

I really liked this, since I'm basically Rb's official emo kid. The content was all very reminisant of a poetic rant which was cool, cuz you never really just relied on pure hate driving lines, but rather worked in some metaphors and such to describe those feelings creatively. The only thing I really didn't like about this at all was the flow. The flow as if rhyming words, was fine, there was nothing wrong with that... But being as you were only rhyming the end of each line then ending the line at that and starting a new after, you really slowed down the flow of content and then the reader gets a monotonous sort of read. I'm just picky, alot of people really wont care but ya, that was really the only thing about this I didnt like. Also, you dont need to break this up so much... Verses of 4 lines is more of a poetry thing, feel free to lump that together into atleast 10-14 line verses you know? Nice job overall, keep elevating.

I'd apreciate it if you could leave feedback on my new Om:
"When the Elephant Walks..."
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287748

[Evolve]

This was below average at best. There was no internal rhyming, no multi's. Seemed like you just rhymed that last word in every sentence.. and some of them didnt even rhyme. Could have been worded a lot better.