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Thread: when your lost in your mind

  1. #1
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    when your lost in your mind

    when your lost in your mind....................this is what you'll find...........
    i find myself again to be caught by a glimpse,the enevitable thought of reminence,
    when life seems to be against all you do,do you fall into the trap, or play it through?,
    walkin with your head held high, your convinced, that when it comes to fight, you'll throw the last fists,
    take the path and walk, believe in my words,its never worth the cost, of someone gettin hurt,
    if ideals and nightmares, they dont perish,when the kid is older, he'll start to hate his parents,
    i aint no therapists, premature analagists, but an open mind is held in the hand of a goddess,
    its complicated how the world could fake it, and make it seem like you'll never make it,
    if not convinced then lost in the mist, if not then, then please tell me when,
    speak the truth of you soul, and dont detoer, from that of which,holds you so close,
    to the edge but dont push,cause your soul is like a grouth spurt,
    so be the fate of any man who commands, and lays his heart on the line just to see the sad, fellings come out like water from rags,
    mom, dad, and everything you had,
    what did you make of that in the past,
    how do you know how much life is grand, where do you go, when your lost in your mind...........................
    Last edited by RhymeSwift; April 3rd, 2006 at 09:29 PM

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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    hell yeah u be elavatin b.. i deffo see u improvin in ur poetry.. i was kinda feelin this stil.. it had some good emotion.. however wordin was an issue in some places.. u should use more meta's next time.. but yea overall i see u gettin better each time.. so props 2 u babe.. hmm this had emotion in it stil.. i liked it.. 'uno why it seemed like a rap poem 2 me.. prolly how i was readin it.. but yeah.. keep writin.. u gettin there..1lurv
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''

  3. #3
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LAYDEEE SNYPAH
    hell yeah u be elavatin b.. i deffo see u improvin in ur poetry.. i was kinda feelin this stil.. it had some good emotion.. however wordin was an issue in some places.. u should use more meta's next time.. but yea overall i see u gettin better each time.. so props 2 u babe.. hmm this had emotion in it stil.. i liked it.. 'uno why it seemed like a rap poem 2 me.. prolly how i was readin it.. but yeah.. keep writin.. u gettin there..1lurv
    Tell him to pm me and i'll help him lol.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  4. #4
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    ur generous.. will let him no... sure...1
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''

  5. #5
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    thank you all for the props..................and i will pm him....................................p-e-a-c-e-.........................

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  6. #6
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    and thenks laydee....lots of luv.........p.s......can you get me in your crew?????????luv ya ........p-e-a-c-e my nigga.....................

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  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    u wanted in before aswell but ur user name got banned.. holla in tha tryouts..
    or........ hold on.. i kno..
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''

  8. #8
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    aight then. i checked it out. but shouldnt i still be legible for the tryout with my last drop?????????uppin..................

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  9. #9
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    uppin............................................. .................................................. .....................

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  10. #10
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    uppin for some feed.............................................. .................................................. ..............

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  11. #11
    Elite.-
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    ey this was a nice piece compared to the one i just posted in i can definently see the elevation the structure wasnt bad wordplay and vocab needs work but it was definently nice had some good emotion.... loved it go0od job and elevation
    scytsophrenia

  12. #12
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    thanks again.....i try...........................been writin for soooo long now............................................... ..p-e-a-c-e-...................

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  13. #13
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    uppin.........where everyone at>??????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????.............

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  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Ether Spitter's Avatar
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    its not like i dont get it...this is waay abstrakt...i guess im more to a focal point in relevance to ways of poetry...but i dont get it...really...so many comments...fragmented sentenses and ideas...this is more blah to me...no offense to you duke..its just blah
    He knows all and sees all...the creator of our creativity ...I follow The Divinity

  15. #15
    hav'nt ya heard?
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    uppin for some feed.............................................. .................................................. .....

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