lord...let there be a day...............

[RhymeSwift]

lord..let there be a day..........
.i think the world should be a better place,lets us replace, the distinctfull thoughts of hate , and of race,
cause in the end were all just remains,the same,
let it be the day were its safe to walk away, let it be the same for the kids when they play,
no more walkin home the long way, no more worryin about where your children play, i've seen better days, in my mind, where its peace you can taste,
talk stupid but am worthy,no one above him,truely he has a plan for all races of man,
so i drop down on my knees, and pray god please, let there be a day where theres no disease,
let our children live a life that we never did, take away the hate that we hold within,
dear lord let there be a day, where all cant take a stand, and take each others hand, for the race of man,
please im beggin you now, let there be a day,..............................
where theres no more hurt....and no blood shed.......................

[RhymeSwift]

i came deep about a problem we all see everyday............................im lookin for some real responses.....no bull...this is elevation......................................... .......

[Moniker]

well, this was a start. you need some definite work in organization. the layout of this wasn't very appealing to the reader at all. You used many of the same rhyming words, but not in any apparent repetition. I just encourage you to read more, it will help with your vocab, and experiment with various forms of poetry. this was quite cliche but wrote with some decent emotion. Very much a prayer-poem which I enjoy. God moves. Keep at it man.

[RhymeSwift]

thanks man.........i appreciate your comment.........if you liked those.you should check out the other poems i've wrote on my other name.its:spader.i got that name banned........but hit it up.............p-e-a-c-e.............

[RhymeSwift]

uppin for some feed.............................................. .................................................

[AngelHaze]

this was a good poem your structure needs a lil work but otherwise youd be good i liked the title and how the whole verse stayed on point again structure didnt help but otherwise it was go0od wordplay vocab and internal rhyme usage needs to be upped nice job though

[RhymeSwift]

thank you very much...........now thats what im talkin bout'.........................p-e-a-c-e.................

[RhymeSwift]

uppin............................................. ...where every one at?????????????????????????????????

[RhymeSwift]

uppin.........................come on yall.............................................. .....................

[RhymeSwift]

uppin for some feed......................please.................. ..................................................

[RhymeSwift]

wher the fuck the feed.its a good peice..........................come on....shit..............