Drawings on the Wall

[NiNjah Red]

[FONT=Verdana]
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I
Am
Canvas
Upon which
Pictures emerge
Candid inscriptions
.
A
Man
Of mantra
Rhythm sticks
Beat rigid with no
Language restrictions
.
Our ancestors assimilated art form with shapes and reference
Hieroglyph patterns woven beneath lanterns of benevolence
For it was wrote… don’t fuck with the serpent who spoke
To Eve, then provoked her to deceive Adam to eat then choke
On apple seeds bleeding in Eden, even the heathen be reaping
As the wolf is sleeping, the beauty of Jezebel is ever deceiving
Dug deep in a city of gods’ all weak perish in the pity of dogs
Chariot of fire, coarse hands sustain reins of a hundred horses
I vomit bile and the bloodstained remains of butchered corpses
Caught in the tidal wave, acid rains decay my temple with rage
Enter the lament of a noble sage up from nightfall to day
Dazed by spoof delirium enemy forces fed with truth serums
Demons dupe dreams, as sell-outs spill-the-beans for errands
.
I
Am
Paper
Colourful
Tribal mark’s
Etched upon face
Sweeping the solar
.
A
Dot
Of dust
On this Orb
Tunefully tender
Weeping in squalor
Prayer earns peace for earthlings
Depths reach deep as an oak trees origins
Martians and mortals merge forces of RNA
Sons of god interlace with harmony
Reaping fresh fodder
Erect shrines high
9 virgins sing 4
The King
And
I
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

[Poeta Demonio]

Great structure, and you had very good word play...

But to be honest i really couldn't get into the actual poem, okay you had big words, but they were big words with-out emotion or feeling, to be honest this would have been a dope topical drop, not a poetry peice in my eyes, you had some good imagery but not much that actually caught my eye... i just don't feel you wrote with much feeling.

As i said sturcture was brilliant, the vocabulary used, very good without going over the top...

If this was a topical verse i would have commented alot more possative, but you must realise poetry although similar is different to topical RAP.

Never the less, good drop.

If you would like me to elaborate further, pm me dude.

[NiNjah Red]

yeah fosho.. i did drop it as an OM also... but thought that because of the artistic structure i'd give it a pop here...

yeah i do have a further understanding of poetry..having written sonnets and all forms of poems... just thought this had poetic qualities..

yeah we cud work on something sumtime soon if u want