Bank Robbery

[teflon~king]

on the bank steps, thinkin back at my plan//
an what happened next, wasnt in my demands//
a lady cashing a check, spots me an my mans//
wit teflon vests, an trouble in our hands//
we moving like vets, she stumbled an ran//
but no body noticed, no one even gave a damn//
now we in the lobby, an shit theres a video cam//
I wasnt sloppy, I brought grenades that'll jam//
while the shotti, jus popped a shot into the fan//
every one ducking an dodgeing, secutity blastin//
then I start bucking an robbing, fa money Im askin//
Im jacking the vault but hault, cuz assasins//
robbing the same bank, even the same fashion//
I shot one point blank, he fell to the ground gaspin//
graspin for the stainless, while police flashin badges//
we leavin'em brainless, an bullets giving'em hot flashes//
and when the gunfire ceased, the bank left burnin in ashes//
we made the slip to the sreets, so fuck you kiss our asses//

[teflon~king]

post#1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=281338

post#2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=281059

[juvi]

Pretty good man. there was some points i wasnt realy feeling but overall its a nice peice.

[haji]

well u did well,but i must say there are a few lines dat need some work.no disrespect but some lines are whack.sorry,just try and work on composure and complexity.nice drop

[CrosT Over]

this topik has been used numerous times over and over again, however i like how you through the twist in the end of it with the other team coming in, this made this topik your own version of it, I liked it a lot, descent vokab, but you might want to try and work on the structure seems at points you seemed rushed, try and spend a little more time on it next time, and make it a little longer. Also try anduse some more descriptive words so that you can describe the situation betta!
although you did a nice job overall keep it up , and continue to elevate

[Killa_King]

First and foremost tight imagery,Flow was on point too I thought
Like the plot and the twist at the end bout the other team
On the same paperchase,Also good word play liked how you mixed em up
Overall all around good piece to me keep practicing keep spittin
Much love fam I'll get at you later 100

[Bre-zE]

safe this piece is aite but cud do wit a lil more impovement safe

[hazze]

sound eminemish but ight good job

[Killa_King]

WTF at replies Does no one read the rules.

[AQ-]

Aiyo that was a good piece right there. im not sure, but i think those are multis. structure good. imagery was good to. fair O-M

[teflon~king]

fa show Ima hit up this page a OMs' an give my thoughts

[big j da fat boy]

nice job homie. you did ya thang on it. you had great imagery an flow some good vocab. an you did ya thang wit the story line. it had that twist that i wasn't expectin to see but you made it work for ya. an those peeps that said it wasn't really flowin at times just don't know how you ryme man. but one luv dawg. peace out............................................... ................. oh yeah we need to collab an record