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Thread: Crying in the chapel.

  1. #31
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dyl
    Very nice piece bro.It was very deep and knew what you were talking about.Some fantastic lines were used in this piece


    The windows to my soul free the pain, released into vapour…
    My being is complete in his word, peace at-last is my saviour…
    My sin confession, the chains loosen their grip on my heart…
    Memories fade away onto the golden words of his grace.


    The Imagert in that was brilliant and you did show emoyion in it even though you said the piece wasnt ment to be emotional.Overall it was a fantastic drop and I really enjoyed reading it.Look foward to your next piece

    p.s send it to somebody I KNOW you will be taken in
    Taken in ?
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  2. #32
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Dyl's Avatar
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    your poetry will be taken in.I did nt explain myself the best buy you should send that poetry in no doubt
    Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper?
    On his way down past each floor,he kept saying to reassure himself
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....
    So far so good.....

    But how you fall doesn't matter
    Its how you land

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dyl
    your poetry will be taken in.I did nt explain myself the best buy you should send that poetry in no doubt
    Grr, but i mean to where lol.
    AI


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  4. #34
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    Not Bad, Not Bad.

    I Liked It Because It Had Alot Of Imagery And Emotion.

    Keep It Up.

  5. #35
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    Upping. thank you for all the feed so far.
    AI


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  6. #36
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    i will say also im not a poet but in the eyes of a pretty universal music lover this was a good piece nice structure and goood complexity i liked the topic and the road you went down with it overrall nice piece

  7. #37
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    Hey Verbal! lets see if I can attempt to enlighten you . This piece was a nice little read, it had a soothing pace to it in that while I was reading it, I didn't have to elongate my train of thought, or pause for breath, I liked that; the long, yet flowing aspect to it. I think the way the lines were arranged gave a kind of peaceful feel, which is mirrored in the context itself, finding eternal peace through faith, I don't think that would have been an intentional feature on your part, but I like to overanalyse things (it makes me feel clever ). The lack of rhyme made it more like an account, which added a depth of realism, one thing I can't stand is when people throw in a random word just to fit the scheme they've stuck so rigidly to; this is freeverse people! Go nuts! You got the message across in the four stanza's and the syntax was on point, the only thing I didn't feel so much was the closer, I thought it could have been a little deeper, also there wasn't really alot of striking emotion, which is always good to see, but then again, it wasn't a sob-your-little-heart-out-in-the-corner type piece. Anyway, you said in my thread you'd fancy a collab sometime, yeah, sounds cool, when you find a topic and if your still down, hit me up.
    Hello Darkness My Old Friend...I've Come To Talk With You Alone

  8. #38
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    Thank you very much
    AI


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  9. #39
    I thought for a while what to say about this piece. I must have read it five times. See my problem was that i couldent find a connection with the topic, so I was very much afraid it could influence my judgement. But that is my personal problem. Now about your poem. While our styles are complete opposites i do respect the style and structure you are going for. I think you have mastered it quite well already and i am sure with practice (which you no doubt do) you will perfect it. Tha metaphores are very clean and clear. You seem to understand exactly what you want them to show and they do that. For my personal taste i do believe the only thing that is missing is a little bit of freedom.. but i am sure that your ideas of freedom and mine are completely different. Also from what i see you are 16 years old so there is still a long way ahead of you.. never stop growing. We may not see eye to eye about poetry but i shall always respect your work and leave my honest opinion. Just keep writing.
    You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.
    - Richard Bach

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaGeMoRe
    I thought for a while what to say about this piece. I must have read it five times. See my problem was that i couldent find a connection with the topic, so I was very much afraid it could influence my judgement. But that is my personal problem. Now about your poem. While our styles are complete opposites i do respect the style and structure you are going for. I think you have mastered it quite well already and i am sure with practice (which you no doubt do) you will perfect it. Tha metaphores are very clean and clear. You seem to understand exactly what you want them to show and they do that. For my personal taste i do believe the only thing that is missing is a little bit of freedom.. but i am sure that your ideas of freedom and mine are completely different. Also from what i see you are 16 years old so there is still a long way ahead of you.. never stop growing. We may not see eye to eye about poetry but i shall always respect your work and leave my honest opinion. Just keep writing.
    Thank you...
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  11. #41
    Mindless Self-Engulfed In Moniker's Avatar
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    this is probably the longest replied to poem i've seen in PS in some time. I'd definitely like to do a collab. just let me know. I'll critique later.
    A ruthless
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    of everything existing.
    Po'ethics
    abstanticollective.

  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mindless
    this is probably the longest replied to poem i've seen in PS in some time. I'd definitely like to do a collab. just let me know. I'll critique later.
    Thank you, just pm me when ever you want do the colab... and thank's.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  13. #43

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    not a poet, but i love how you approached this
    also the set up i like pieces with pics cause you
    can flow of it, and you did very nice use of wording
    the last stanza was my favorite, decent use of
    vocab and overall a nice read mate...coo shit.

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  14. #44
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    Thanks mate, apreciated... upping.
    AI


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  15. #45
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    Upping...
    AI


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