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Thread: Crying in the chapel.

  1. #1
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Crying in the chapel.



    Crying in the chapel.

    The feeling in my body becomes numb, as my knees weaken…
    I fall to the grace of Jesus, my Shepard… Time seems to fade…
    The breath that condensed my soul fills my eyes with rain…
    Beads of tears congregate my view of sorrow.

    The windows to my soul free the pain, released into vapour…
    My being is complete in his word, peace at-last is my saviour…
    My sin confession, the chains loosen their grip on my heart…
    Memories fade away onto the golden words of his grace.

    As I begin to rise to my feet, I sense the sorrow had found its escape…
    I walk a little, with him by my mind side, not seduced by Lucifer…
    I am celibate to animosity, free from atrocities, love with-in…
    The doors slam open, the sun renders me temporarily blinded.

    I hear a bird singing songs of freedom and pains fallen from grace…
    In the distance a glimmer of strength eases my solemn face into a smile…
    A whisper in the dark tells me my demons are no more, free from form…
    Caressed by love of my lord, another angel returns home in his love light.


    I am free.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  2. #2
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Wow. .This was good, but like I say, im not a poet, but I'll give it my best feed.
    This was really interesting, the thing about poems is not trying to rhyme, its trying to get your emotions out. I didnt see much feeling from this, but it was still pretty nice. I liked how you put the picture at the top, and just started writing. Nice job.
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  3. #3
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathon
    Wow. .This was good, but like I say, im not a poet, but I'll give it my best feed.
    This was really interesting, the thing about poems is not trying to rhyme, its trying to get your emotions out. I didnt see much feeling from this, but it was still pretty nice. I liked how you put the picture at the top, and just started writing. Nice job.
    Thank you, it wasn't ment to be a emotional peice really, it was more a story of jesus's helping hand.
    AI


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  4. #4
    audio butcha Katch-22's Avatar
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    verbal<--- you drop some of the most well thought out, thought provoking, pieces i've read in a while

    are you published?
    if not, why havent you been?

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  5. #5
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -wordplay-
    verbal<--- you drop some of the most well thought out, thought provoking, pieces i've read in a while

    are you published?
    if not, why havent you been?
    Well ironic you should say that, i am looking for someone to send my poetry to, you know just to see if i'm good enough.

    But to be honest i need alot more exerience in this feild, it's one thing to be able to feel and write poetry, yet another to apeal to a wide range of audience.

    Thank you for the feed.
    AI


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  6. #6
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    hmmmm I'm not a poet....but I liked this one alot.you had dope imagery and your vocab was very good.Rhymes aren't important as it is poetry.This was a very nice peice to read,very enjoyable.Only a few other poems on this site have actually interested me.keep dropping homie.

  7. #7
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    More feed please ?

    Btw thank you king.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  8. #8
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    Upping again.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  9. #9
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    AI


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  10. #10
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    Yea this was a real good drop, After reading just the first section I knew it was gonna be a well scripted poem indeed. From top to bottom the creativity and imagery was amazingly on point. But yea after I get some other work out the way we'll work on that collab. Here's some of the lines in this that stood out the most to me:

    The feeling in my body becomes numb, as my knees weaken…
    I fall to the grace of Jesus, my Shepard… Time seems to fade…
    The breath that condensed my soul fills my eyes with rain…
    Beads of tears congregate my view of sorrow.

    I am celibate to animosity, free from atrocities, love with-in…
    The doors slam open, the sun renders me temporarily blinded.

    I hear a bird singing songs of freedom and pains fallen from grace…
    In the distance a glimmer of strength eases my solemn face into a smile…

    Those were very vivid and detailed, Quite easy to paint in picture in the mind. Stay up keep elevating as high as you possibly can......

  11. #11
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    Thanks man.

    And yea just pm me when your ready dude.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  12. #12
    Tha Burnin Sensation 2hot2handle's Avatar
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    Great intellect. Good word choice and how you set up the structure. Yeah it dont have to rhyme but you got ya message out. Good job and you are experienced at this it seems.

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    "I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

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    View this from last year^

  13. #13
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    Thank you very much.
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  14. #14
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    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  15. #15
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    fuckin l verbal u big ol dofty lol no wounder ur girl is a fine peice of ass if u can do poetry like that..im not big on poetry but this one i understood it isnt like all the other ones that make you slice your wrists good luck man..this was really dope...but we all no that you belong in text battles as well... peace

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