Spokenbohemian vs. Mindless [Spoken wins 5-1]

[Mantra]

Please read carefully:

- Verses are due Sunday, January 15th by Midnight
- Voting ends Sunday January 22nd at Midnight
- Extensions will be given, but shall not exceed 24 hours.
Also they must be requested at least a day before the deadline.
- Most votes wins/ 5 votes are equivalent to a win
- Crew votes are allowed as long as an adequate explanation is given
- No hate, d/r, beefing, etc
- 20 line minimum/ no max


Whoever checks in first picks the topic from...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=263734

...this thread ^

Good luck to both of you.

[Prince Escobar]

Little Promise :-p

Oh wait...i didn't make it

[spokenoh]

If you’d trade me this cow
for three seeds that could
grow from debris into dust-
lade trees; a key to open
contemporary skies billowed
with imaginative serenity
don’t let your dream become
tunnel-visioned on
stained-glass windows,
like your own little promise
to reap nature’s virginity
under bodhi branches

I remember when your
body was still-life, whore
of Warhol, mistaken as
fruits lay astray on beaten
paths, trodden by men
of wings & rusted halos
now where you vomit
the china-white romance
when you said you loved,
a last embalmed promise,
you etched a sloppy
“to whomever it may concern”
in the back of my mind
& let it blossom into petalled
letters to dead presidents
& unsaid sentiments

so sick to starve the hunger
a broken neck stuns the pigeon
before picked up to be wring
free of bustling sidewalks
now, thoughts left
to a pink line,
like a margin
animate to eyes
illiterate
an undermined
idea under lines
that still hue baby blue
like a golden child
SIDS killed Christ
I’d exchange my soul for
the first and last breath
you take, to not be at the fate
of fingerless hands, especially
with the three seeds I saw
your smile sow

let’s climb the tree
I’ll catch you
I promise

[Moniker]

Is this sacred station what you envisioned
you'd be living in, after a wasted salvation
took root under the tracks that crossed truths?
Steel toe boots bent beneath iron routes
with dust soon at the heal of a past bruise.
Lament's were his excuse to conceal wounds,
with the likes of Dylan and Bruce on acoustic
who walked his same line each afternoon.

Those darkened tirades would fade quick
to sunrays split open by the blade of his pick.
Trade pain for pleasure; record your next hit,
then trace de-light to a black-lunged addict
spitting out blood of loved ones like coughing fits.
Though seen as close-knit, he seemed to wear
suits to hide the tear his family couldn't repair.
After prayer he'd be prepared for another affair,
as the fabric tore more with each new tour for
he knew he'd been lured to the wrong shore.

What mattered then was the abolition of men
that held pens with ambition blowing in the wind.
Songs were sent riding dandelions to amend
the discontented home that had depended on him.
The apprehension blended with resentment.
They pretended to forgive his dense indifference
to the extent he couldn't comprehend his offense.
He left with feet extended to meet the path that
lead dead-ends to descend their stairway to heaven.

[Nib Oswald]

Spoken displayed his usual high standard of imagery and language use- always a pleasure to read your freeflowing verses, man. "an undermined idea under lines that still hue baby blue like a golden child SIDS killed Christ I’d exchange my soul for the first and last breath you take" ...beeyootiful.

However, Mindless' effort in his intricate rhyme scheme of internals and multis whilst still maintaining a meaningful discourse throughout the lines was very well done, and I'm a sucker for rhyme schemes that manage to do so.

Great drops from both.
Vote: Mindless

[R. Frost]

Im going to have to disagree with Nib

Spoken- Your verse was packed full with imagery and the vocab and wording of your piece was perfect... your structure was good and your emotion was there... wasnt the best and have seen better from you but it was still good... your verse was a nice read an was indepth

Mindless- You had a different approach and i liked that.. .your imagery was good but not as good as spoken's and the emotion was slightly better than his... your structure and vocab and placement of words was also very good.. you both did a good job on this topic

This was close

v/Spoken

no hate mind...

[spokenoh]

And this is why I don't do tournaments.

[Mantra]

I'm not closing this until someone reaches 5 votes, disregard the deadline.

[spokenoh]

Whatever you like, Father Time.

[Moniker]

blah

[Neruda II]

Holy fuckin' jesus. I'm about to start shrooms. Spoken, your diction is practically flawless. I'm too impressed. I'm about to start sounding like a dickrider. You've matured so much man, it shows in your writing and in your personality. This is a true testament to how much you've grown in life. If this site understood more about poetry I'd probably nominate this for legends but since most of the people here wouldn't be able to comprehend the first two lines of your poem, I wont even bother. Your structure was strong, with the breaks in adequate places instead of some random mess. The imagery was something that I still can't get over. The fingerless hand line, genius. The ending was in such a tone that I almost got chills in my spine reading it. It fit the rest of the poem perfectly, yet it was different. Amazing man.

Mindless, ha, I wish I would've paid a bit more attention to this tourny. Two of my favorite writers against each other, this made my day. Yeah man, good stuff as always. I loved that you came with old school rhyme scheme, but it wasn't simple. The rhythm of it was very complex and executed perfectly. As with spoken's piece, I was impressed. I'm not as elevated as the two of you so I'm not sure how to put it into the correct words. I felt that your piece wasn't as good. It didn't capture the emotion well enough, I felt it drag in the second stanza. The imagery was done well, but it lacked in comparison to spoken's. I just don't think your poem was as good as spoken's.

V/spoken.

[Nib Oswald]

most of the people here wouldn't be able to comprehend the first two lines of your poem

Really?...I thought the exact opposite. It started with an intertextual reference that everyone's familiar with so that the rest follows on from that theme until the ending.

Anyhoodles, get more votes in here peeyoples!

[spokenoh]

It's pretty easy to notice the themes our poems are distinctively similar [/oxymoron].

[spokenoh]

I'll be relieved when this gets closed.

[Mantra]

How bout you find some good voters.