Topical battle
Topic: never heard of again
Unlimited lines.
Check due by Friday the 23rd.
Verse due by the following Wednesday the 28th.
500 posts to vote.
No show = loss. No exceptions, no replacements.
Goodluck.
Topical battle
Topic: never heard of again
Unlimited lines.
Check due by Friday the 23rd.
Verse due by the following Wednesday the 28th.
500 posts to vote.
No show = loss. No exceptions, no replacements.
Goodluck.
Last edited by Tim; December 24th, 2005 at 07:34 PM
check
Check
Never Heard Of Again
I Never thought I'd lose my baby girl in the fight...
...Never again will I hear her voice durring the night,
Something's Going on. Feelings are all fluttered...
Hate, Passion, and Phsycotic whispers are muttered.
.
.
.
My heart is tired of this name, take away my pain,
Release me from this game, as it feels all the same,
I'm like rain, the way I lost my sky so damn quick...
...I'm a tree, how this hurt always decides to stick,
I grasp her by her neck, scrape her into the mud...
...I make sure that the last thing she sees is blood,
She's gone. No longer in my eyes part of existance,
View her as the past and how it tends to be tense,
Believe me....I didn't wanna do it, it just happened,
Like fellens ya just tend to see it from the back end,
It's crazy, but my wife decieved me, I hope she dies,
Never again will I see life right through her own eyes,
Fufilled is my life with lies...
...Now excuse me as I begin' my heartfelt cries.
.
.
.
I Never thought I'd lose my baby girl in the fight...
...Never again will I hear her voice durring the night,
Something's Going on. Feelings are all fluttered...
Hate, Passion, and Phsycotic whispers are muttered.
.
.
.
Hit me, tease me inside, break me down as you see fit,
But please at least try to enjoy me, as I make you suck it,
Insanity flows rampid. I make fillet out of your dirt clit...
Oh shit she's getting away, watch me catch you on a pivit,
My speed increases. Your speed starts to come to a slow,
You'll know when I throw you down and strike a wicked blow,
I Grow stronger, you grow weaker. Your figure gets sleeker,
My mind gets stronger, and you inject the anerexia deeper,
Your stomach...it bulged...why'd you go and kill our life...
Ohhhh shit...how I'd love to rip and stab you with this knife,
Our daughters dead...I was drunk...your paying for mistakes,
It's all in your head...you've sunk...futures have big stakes,
My mind is like a glass ball, under pressure it breaks. Now...
...I think it should break every second, lemme tell you how.
.
.
.
I Never thought I'd lose my baby girl in the fight...
...Never again will I hear her voice durring the night,
Something's Going on. Feelings are all fluttered...
Hate, Passion, and Phsycotic whispers are muttered.
.
.
.
Back again to tell you what's going on with my life, care?
You could care less........but if you'd ever smelt her hair,
If you would've been there, you'd have felt for me, see?
I get on my knees but god.....everyone ignores the plea,
The monster of this story...I, or me...needs to die fast...
...This issue no one seems to grasp. I breathe for my last,
Small Towns are so easy to hide my past...but no longer,
Reveal my secrets because now I grow so much stronger,
I did it...my hands on the bible, yes I was fucking drunk...
.....Like ships in Bermuda, below my heart has been sunk,
I always say: "My secrets come out now, they were then,"
...I wish that my life would end, I'm Never Heard Of Again.
G/L Tim...
the shaken fists, and the need to crush a skull, who knew
the love wasn't itself, no need to make it real, the wind blew
but the sun shone, and the clouds parted; the day would thrive
i kissed her cheek gently, opened the door, and said, "goodbye"
"two times i loved you, once before and once again now"
the hopelessness of a man who had offered to exchange vows
"i can't help it that i loved her," i spoke to the dirt
as i burried my head in the grass, and offered to tell of my hurt
but the grass wouldn't listen, i made my way to the car
looked up, and saw the crumbling of what was once 'our star'
and that was my omen, my muse for what i had to do
an eruption so bright, authorities wouldn't have a clue
i drove to the tallest building, parked my car in the lobby
they tried to prevent my run to the stairs, but i let no one stop me
came through the door, the rooftop, and ran to the edge
no one followed, no one cared, i laughed, and looked down over the ledge
"this is our decision...my love...if not with you, well, then.."
the skies littered with my tears, thunder arose in confusion
arms thrown back in the air, a scream exploding from my lips,
"I thought we were forever.." then i whispered, "i wonder if ill be missed.."
choking on my everything, i saw her come through the roof's door
and as i smiled, she vanished, "t'was a dream and nothing more"
i laughed my last laugh as the wind came up the building's side
hair flying up out of my eyes. my last smile, my last goodbye.
Posted by a news reporter
"Top Story tonight, here on News @ 10, a fatal dive.
police say a man dove to his death, straight into a spotlight.
a bright explosion indeed, but the saddest part is,
his love and life had failed him, or so a witness says."
my darling, my sweet nothing, for you my soul ascends..
our love, like our star, burst..and was never heard of again..
uppin 1 leave links and ill get to them
V/Tim
Your verse was just more pro. Nash your piece was kind of newbish, not written like a poet. Things just didnt seem to sound like they should have, but not a bad verse at all.
Thats basically it
I'll get on lil thug but................
Tim had a better written peice and it had more flow.
Big Nash is probly gonna hate me for this but oh well.
Tim i'll drop a link to some one that should get dqed and banned for what he did.
Like i said^
wtf?
this is a crew battle, anyone can say "Tim sounded more professianol" or "Tim had a better written peice" without even reading it. Look at Write of Passage votes, and thats how u should be voting. Sorry, but that shits ridiculus.
Word the critiques r ridiculus for a topical battle....
I think even Tim would have to agree.
I read both verses. And his sounded more pro. Whats wrong with that.
Its usless breaking down Topicals. I just state whos i thought was better, his was more PRO, complex, more poetic, more of a story.
Never Heard Of Again
I Never thought I'd lose my baby girl in the fight...
...Never again will I hear her voice durring the night,
Something's Going on. Feelings are all fluttered...
Hate, Passion, and Phsycotic whispers are muttered.(4.0)
.
.
.
My heart is tired of this name, take away my pain,
Release me from this game, as it feels all the same,
I'm like rain, the way I lost my sky so damn quick...
...I'm a tree, how this hurt always decides to stick,
I grasp her by her neck, scrape her into the mud...
...I make sure that the last thing she sees is blood,
She's gone. No longer in my eyes part of existance,
View her as the past and how it tends to be tense,
Believe me....I didn't wanna do it, it just happened,
Like fellens ya just tend to see it from the back end,
It's crazy, but my wife decieved me, I hope she dies,
Never again will I see life right through her own eyes,
Fufilled is my life with lies...
...Now excuse me as I begin' my heartfelt cries.(5.0)
.
.
.
I Never thought I'd lose my baby girl in the fight...
...Never again will I hear her voice durring the night,
Something's Going on. Feelings are all fluttered...
Hate, Passion, and Phsycotic whispers are muttered.(0)
.
.
.
Hit me, tease me inside, break me down as you see fit,
But please at least try to enjoy me, as I make you suck it,
Insanity flows rampid. I make fillet out of your dirt clit...
Oh shit she's getting away, watch me catch you on a pivit,
My speed increases. Your speed starts to come to a slow,
You'll know when I throw you down and strike a wicked blow,
I Grow stronger, you grow weaker. Your figure gets sleeker,
My mind gets stronger, and you inject the anerexia deeper,
Your stomach...it bulged...why'd you go and kill our life...
Ohhhh shit...how I'd love to rip and stab you with this knife,
Our daughters dead...I was drunk...your paying for mistakes,
It's all in your head...you've sunk...futures have big stakes,
My mind is like a glass ball, under pressure it breaks. Now...
...I think it should break every second, lemme tell you how.(6.0)
.
.
.
I Never thought I'd lose my baby girl in the fight...
...Never again will I hear her voice durring the night,
Something's Going on. Feelings are all fluttered...
Hate, Passion, and Phsycotic whispers are muttered.(O)
.
.
.
Back again to tell you what's going on with my life, care?
You could care less........but if you'd ever smelt her hair,
If you would've been there, you'd have felt for me, see?
I get on my knees but god.....everyone ignores the plea,
The monster of this story...I, or me...needs to die fast...
...This issue no one seems to grasp. I breathe for my last,
Small Towns are so easy to hide my past...but no longer,
Reveal my secrets because now I grow so much stronger,
I did it...my hands on the bible, yes I was fucking drunk...
.....Like ships in Bermuda, below my heart has been sunk,
I always say: "My secrets come out now, they were then,"
...I wish that my life would end, I'm Never Heard Of Again.(4.0)
v.s
the shaken fists, and the need to crush a skull, who knew
the love wasn't itself, no need to make it real, the wind blew
but the sun shone, and the clouds parted; the day would thrive
i kissed her cheek gently, opened the door, and said, "goodbye"
"two times i loved you, once before and once again now"
the hopelessness of a man who had offered to exchange vows
"i can't help it that i loved her," i spoke to the dirt
as i burried my head in the grass, and offered to tell of my hurt
but the grass wouldn't listen, i made my way to the car
looked up, and saw the crumbling of what was once 'our star'
and that was my omen, my muse for what i had to do
an eruption so bright, authorities wouldn't have a clue
i drove to the tallest building, parked my car in the lobby
they tried to prevent my run to the stairs, but i let no one stop me
came through the door, the rooftop, and ran to the edge
no one followed, no one cared, i laughed, and looked down over the ledge
"this is our decision...my love...if not with you, well, then.."
the skies littered with my tears, thunder arose in confusion
arms thrown back in the air, a scream exploding from my lips,
"I thought we were forever.." then i whispered, "i wonder if ill be missed.."
choking on my everything, i saw her come through the roof's door
and as i smiled, she vanished, "t'was a dream and nothing more"
i laughed my last laugh as the wind came up the building's side
hair flying up out of my eyes. my last smile, my last goodbye.(10)
Posted by a news reporter
"Top Story tonight, here on News @ 10, a fatal dive.
police say a man dove to his death, straight into a spotlight.
a bright explosion indeed, but the saddest part is,
his love and life had failed him, or so a witness says." (3)
my darling, my sweet nothing, for you my soul ascends..
our love, like our star, burst..and was never heard of again(1.5)
tIM FOR REASONS ABOVE YOU HAPPY NOW!?
0n the 15 i meant to say 15.....
Heres a link to someone that should get banned and Dqed.
Big Nash even said so.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ghlight=Sinner
He got on his alias and voted for himself.
ok..
nash, your piece was pretty good. nice read, didn't mind it all. but here the thing i wasn't enjoying in your piece, there seemed to be, um i dunno if this applys to topical battles, but i think ur piece had alot of filler. just things put there, not really makin sense but try'n to make the piece flow better. but, this was good, a bit simple, but a good read.
time, yours was great. it kept me on edge the whole time. it was really good, had alot of good imagery and had alot of depth. nice piece and good job.
v/ tim
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