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Thread: ...The Un-Happy Rhyme...

  1. #1
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Unhappy ...The Un-Happy Rhyme...

    The Un-Happy Rhyme
    In her Honor I dress to impress the Idol, the best,
    The greatest no less, better than all of the rest..
    ...no need to test the unspeakable impossibilities,
    Being dumb is this girls improbable unspeakability,
    Undeniable love. The probability of being with her,
    To have and hold her and be only her comforter..
    Probabilitiy so great. My love for her is undeniable,
    If you asked me to be without her, I'd be unreliable,
    Tell me to leave, but I would only cling unto ground,
    To have her without words? So be it, NO SOUND,
    Revolting and renound it sounds my eternal obsession,
    But my confession only speaks of loves progression,
    This topical session revolves around my only Life,
    Life without knifes, life with none other, My wife,
    Let me teach you this lesson, she's the only one,
    She's the moon when it lowers, and my rising sun,
    The definition of fun, she's only begun to teach me,
    The things in life that reach me, no one can repeat,
    See? You've no clue upon what you've witnessed,
    Relentless of the love that becomes the confrontless,
    Terrors like death ruin this, but no body listens...
    ...She twinkles in front of you, your star, she glistens,
    I Speak not of truth, but of dreams that COME TRUE,
    Powers that be, of love that be bestowed unto YOU,
    Proof that love exists, shatters horrid thoughts I deny,
    Fits of tantrums so high, thinkin' them, I ask myself why,
    But then she died. Hatred flows rampid through the sky,
    Blood red empathy...Satanic thoughts that make me cry,
    Wishing I'd sprout wings to run off and fly, take it,
    Jesus Christ, the stealer of things, hateful little shit,
    A little boy on an ant hill, with only a magnifying glass,
    What an ass...stealing my window, my anger bypass,
    Why did you take her? Where has my lover gone?
    Why would you take such beauty, why'd you do wrong?
    Take her body, but her spirit stays with me...Originality,
    of the life you left me to be...Unloving and so empty,
    Regret feels so powerful, it was her I wanted to Join,
    But killing my body was to hard, chances like a coin,
    Unflipped and undecided, Life gripped...not confided,
    The only thing to you worse than my life..................
    ........................................Would be to be inside it,
    Come along and join me on a race through all of time,
    Hear me so nearly as god steers me to my Un-happy Rhyme...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=257697
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=257568
    Links^^

    Give Good Feed or stay the fuck out...

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    I was thinkin at the beginnin..this title aint suited for this rap, but then i read on.. it gradually built up very effectively. The flow on this piece was close to perfect and the vocab mixed with the emotion was well structured. The was many great metaphors in this piece which gave more power and impact on what you was tryina say, i liked that. The endin wasn't so much of a powerful twist, but was a discreet change in the rap. This was well thought out, props to ya Nash
    ~1~

  3. #3
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Took 15 minutes but word...thanks for the feed Legacy, glad you been followin' up on my work lately...Earning yourself a collab sometime...Good looks PEACE

    ~Nash

  4. #4
    Im -not- BacK
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    nice piece nash...flow wasnt consistent, and the rhymin in sum places ws too simple for my liking
    flow - 6/10
    structure - 6/10
    rhymin - 6/10
    like it? - 7/10
    overall - 6.5/10

    wrk on the flow/structure as this will improve the whole piece
    try to develop the rhymin so that you not jus rhymin a couple of syllabuls
    despite tht...
    gd piece...keep it up
    Don't Do Drugs EP is coming soon.

    Remember Me?

  5. #5
    StRiNgThEoRy
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    Content: Great
    Flow: Excellent
    Structure: Excellent
    Vocab: Good

    COMMENT: Excellent use of vocab...gave the verse much deserved complexity....added a lot of depth....great content, i think the length was sufficient...
    Great metas...again, the vocab did have a great impact on the message....good doin at gettin ya emotions across too....enjoyable read, look forward to givin feed on ya other work...~1~

    ADVICE: Great vocab, but i think ya used 'probability' like three times in three lines...noh8...just choose diff words....other than that, dope piece, stay up homie...

    VERDICT: 9/10

    ...Fantastic...

  6. #6
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    ^Thanks for feed...now lets get some REAL feed in here yall!

  7. #7
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Upp......Don't sleep on this shit...MASTERPEICE........

  8. #8
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    damn, nash. did that shit again. real dope piece. really feeling the wording and structure was nice. the conept was odd, and well, kept me reading. that def made it dope. and you seem to prove after along time of inavtiveness, you still got it. leave feed on mine and tony's, we gon make it.

    nice piece, peace.

  9. #9
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Thanks homie....

  10. #10
    Banned StevieFresh's Avatar
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    i was feeling the piece. very good vocab, you really did have some hot multies, good emotion to the piece and it all flowed well. it also had a good ending to it cuz in the beginning of your piece i thought it was more of a love joint but reading it down to the last word you caught me..you was on point fam.

    good job Big N
    thats how the G.O.D.S. niggaz do!

  11. #11
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    ^Word thanks stevie...

  12. #12
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Rise..........................

  13. #13
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Rise...............................

  14. #14
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    iight Im Keep It Real With You.....

    Flow was Eh....Punchlines/metaphors/Wordplay/ eh....

    Vocab was excellent, Imagry was tight....

    this was more of a poetry-esk drop than anything else...

    Or a Topical Drop

    in the realms of peotry...this was excellent....

    This is No way shape or Form...Comparable to My Drop....
    My drop was a totally different Beast...

    I Dont do Poetry...I Do Punchlines...Witty Metaphors..Catchy Wordplays, Flow...Str8 Battle Rap...And im As Good as Anyone I know at it...

    good stuff here

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  15. #15
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Flow was Eh....Punchlines/metaphors/Wordplay/ eh....
    ^Wdf...Punchlines...YES IT IS A TOPICAL...cause I'm Illy and at my best with my Ill ass poetry...

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