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Thread: Patterns

  1. #1
    Banned SIX6's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Patterns

    Tides draw in.. The perfect setting, sea crying on land..
    Dying in sand- young men just cover their eyes with their hands..
    Freedom is banned- gun shots smash through skulls..
    Sun blots dead bodies.. Hearts cease passion.. The hatred’s too full..
    Numb fingers pull triggers.. emotion cleaned from hearts..
    Killing in the name of…? Their devotion deceiving their smarts..
    They fall apart- barely men, but a life full of memories imbedded in heads..
    Legs shredded and bent.. sunburst patterns of life too soon to be bled..
    If only instead, voices could have overrun all this violence..
    Even silence has a larger presence than this.. someone just lost control of their guidance..
    Bright like the trident.. Angel’s rise.. to skies- through the smoke to the white..
    Made bright by so many young lives supplying the nights..
    In sight, is freedom.. turn guns on selves, escape by biting bullets..
    You might see them.. haunting the horizon like fighting for breath in your gullet..
    Sit and mull it.. every grain of sand in hands.. is another life spent..
    So life fulfill it, for these men died, so that futures are kept, and the torture relents.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Banned SIX6's Avatar
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    RiSE...............

  4. #4
    Banned SIX6's Avatar
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    WoRD^

  5. #5
    Atl Youngsta
    Guest
    six dat was nice man i like how u brought it back to the hood
    u also flowed well and u kept it interesting for the reader
    nice shit man maybe we can do a collab one day holla at me

  6. #6
    Irish Rebel Soul Shocker's Avatar
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    I liked this man could really feel your flow.It was a bit short,but still good dawg.Good work and keep it up.
    Thiocfaidh Ár Lá

    Originally Posted by Percept
    I love 2 suck cock,cause the only girls I get are the blind ones

  7. #7
    StRiNgThEoRy
    Guest
    Multies: Some
    Wordplay: Great
    Imagery: Great
    Flow: Good
    Structure: OK

    ADVICE:
    Maybe fix the structure, make lines a tiny bit smaller to compliment ya flow...way to short for its own good, had real potential

    FAV LINE: (the opener)
    Tides draw in.. The perfect setting, sea crying on land..
    Dying in sand- young men just cover their eyes with their hands..


    VERDICT: 9/10

    ...Fantastic...

  8. #8
    Banned SIX6's Avatar
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    Good looks for the feedbacc...............

    UPPin oN This

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