Love At First Sight

[Donald Trump]

Love At First Sight


tought i was never going to find love,it wasnt goin to happen to me
went to the store to buy some chips bumped into a girl accidentaly
she was walking alone in the dark sadly just her and her young little son
we stared at eachothers eyes and at that moment i knew she was the one

Just staring into her eyes a wonderfull color it was ocaen mixed white n blue
i said o mam im so sorry it was an acident let me make it up to you
she said im sorry it was my fault its just that im busy so i stayed and wonder
then we kept talking and i finnaly got the courage to ask ffor her number

She said i hardly know you i dont really think i know you enough
then she asked why did u want it i said to talk chill and stuff
we talked for months and finnaly hooked up i was the happiest man alive
because it was the obly time i went on a day and felt a vibe

till one day i went to her house walked inside wat i looked at brought shame
she played me for a fool evrything we said was just a Game
i walked in and cryed cuz i wonder weres the trust been?
feeling sad cuz i walked inside and saw her kissing her husband

[Ethic']

just dope yo...i like the imagry...good perspective at the topic...nice..

[Donald Trump]

Upin

[young hov]

nice but it needs more emotion in it more creativity but you'll elavate I could tell just be more creative and compare things ight

[Black Voice]

i luv the emotions and the feelings in the piece....it is dope..i am imagined this piece all the way...just dope..nough said.

[Donald Trump]

Upping For More Feed

[Donald Trump]

Feedback Plz

[Saint305]

Good work. I felt the imagery and the sense of bein there. It was deep in the sense that shit like this happens a lot. Maybe alittle bit more effort on the vocab. but other than that tight work.

[Pedantic.]

Dood U Should Frop These In Om....These Arent Really Poetry

[DaGyrlRemarqabL]

Lol..well..

I liked this at first because it seemed like you were just talking, casually telling a story that just happened to rhyme..But honestly, I thought it was kind of silly at the end..You walked in her house and she's kissing her husband? Where's the trust? You just met the girl at the grocery store. You knew her for all of a day. It all happened too fast. You should have drawn it out more, maybe talked about a relationship you and her had before you dropped the bomb at the end. It would have made it more moving to me. Just my opinion.

Nice job though, keep elevating

[youngprophet2]

that was tight it was deep and i was really feeling it