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Thread: The Angel Of Above

  1. #1
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    The Angel Of Above

    The Devil

    Hell on earth is what i plan for the mortals this day
    for all the shit they put me through they must pay
    pay the price & revenge is what i had in mind twice
    and this time this plan aint gonna be so nice.........
    I will makke there life hell from this day forward
    Lookin at god above like darin him to come toward
    he swore on the bible that he wouldnt kill a disciple
    i was one in the past but i've gone evil with a rifle
    Flames and fire gust of hot air,i'll kill without a care
    I'll torture those mutha fuckaz and it wont be fair
    This plan i have is evil, even sicker than hitlers idea
    Im like invisable to mortals they dont know i'm here
    I'll laugh in ther faces while there is life is miserable
    bloody screams and cries, to me such a delight visual
    I must make this work or my life will totally fail..
    or i might end up in my own hell, which is jail.....


    God

    I will summon an angel from above to stop your plan
    she will fight back, dotn hit her if you a real man
    dont make me come down and break the rule i swore
    i'll destroy you make you burst like the inner core
    I'm like magic, i'll stop your plan and make it tragic
    in the pst you had my trust, but now you dont have it
    *light strips glare from the clouds and an angel falls*


    The Angel

    i will shoot lightening at you and you ant stop it
    walk the line devil, i bet you cant walk it
    you are probably drunk and this idea is not yours
    i dont know why you want to do this for....
    you have awaken me and my powerful mind
    would you stop this plan if you could be so kind
    dont make me kill you with my bare hands.....
    i can kill you with one hand with the other on my strands
    and all the mortals will be my fans and cheer me on
    and in one little hit,devil and you'll be eteranally gone


    The devil

    fine angel i'll stop this for now for your sake...
    but sum day this plan wont be so fake...
    this will happen sum day and you know it will
    i'll keep this plan in my mind forever still..



    The End
    Last edited by EyeBite; December 4th, 2005 at 11:45 AM

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    uppin for feed.............

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mcl's Avatar
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    some great vocab in this piece, 8/10 peace
    Runnin with
    the divided
    PoEtic JustUs
    spitfire

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    The young child

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    Cross Hatching

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  5. #5
    dreadedfistofthenorthwest
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    I liked that b, straight up not much you can correct on every aspect was covered correctly. 9/10. dope man keep droppin if you wanna collab hit me up.
    The R.
    -The Illest Ever Kid-

  6. #6
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    iight i'l keep that in mind..thanks for the feed...uppin

  7. #7
    Po'Ethics
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    Eh.. This was ok... It was good considering you're new, quite creative. It flows well and reads easily, however, it wasn't particularly complex or interesting. The idea for the story is good, however, I think you could've approached it with a much better style.. Using more complex vocabulary, and not being so clear with your words... I know it sounds weird, but if you write using metaphors, similes, imagery etc, that suggest something else, it will often give the story you're trying to tell a huge boost... Making it stand out from others.

    Overall though a nice piece, you have good potential, keep it up.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  8. #8
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    ok..thanks for the advice....uppin

  9. #9
    Newbie SB AKA CASSIDY's Avatar
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    it was a tite topic but u couldve got a lil bit more into it ya kno.....overall nice shit b
    FUCK WUT YA HEARD HOUSTON HOME OF THE BRAVE
    ME VERSUS U MIGHT AS WELL CALL IT RAPE
    IM YOUNG AND FLY MIGHT AS WELL BE GREAT
    ANY OTHER RAPPER MIGHT ASS WELL BE GAY


    HTOWN / SCREWSTON MUHFUCKIN TEXAS 3RD COAST 281 HOLLA AT ME EY!

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! soberSEOULja's Avatar
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    good descriptive piece with good flow, some more doubles and vocab coulda helped, but overall a great peice man

  11. #11
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    thankks i appreciate it..uppinm 3 more

  12. #12
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    uppin.............................................

  13. #13
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    Uppin. for sum feed..leave linkz

  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    yea this was dope yo..nice multies of da heezy fa sheezy ma neezy
    vocab and flow was good..nice format/structure.. cool transmission from line to line.. good dialogue going on...
    nicely set up and delivered....yea am feelin this piece
    keep doin yo thizing
    9/10
    .................................................. ......................

  15. #15
    Banned SIX6's Avatar
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    skribble you did it again....u had a nice flow going, concept was cool. your structure was understand to read, i felt the whole story, the whole piece was imagry, i had every thing in my head. nice vision. but all u need is you need to extend your vocab, but other then that, nice drop..............8.5/10

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