The Dark Chamber

[Bjammin]

damn twizted, you are twizted.... tight shit.... that took some ill skill, keep the writing up and one day you may make the mills, Very creative.....

[Black Hornet]

wow. i was really feeling this piece. Great story, it had a lot of visuals. I thought the whole concept was excellent since it somewhat dealt with the eternal strife between good and evil, which is present today in many ways. I'd say that your structure threw me off at times, but i think you posess the skill to spit that with skills. Well done young homie, keep it up.

oh yeah, can you hit up these battles below with fair votes?

[LadyDip*Harlem]

i like ya work. u have a lot of potential i see shorty. the creativity was nice, wordplay, vocab....u got it yo. keep it up.

[pilr1]

yo shit was just tight alll around good every thing nothin really wrong good shit

[E.z. eddie]

damn dog that was some deep stuff
insanely great flow
insane vocab and insane creativity

id say 10/10

[Jacent.]

First, the concept was pretty cool. I liked how you had two different perspectives & intertwined them both. Anyways, flow was alright..stretched at times but not bad at all. The story itself didn't drag & you went straight to the point even giving us a backstory. Definitely one of the better pieces I've read but I haven't looked at a topical in a long time. Theological pieces aren't really my thing but this wasn't too bad at all. Good job.

[Mr. Write]

flow was nice and structure was coo too. there really isnt much else to say about those...your flow kept the peice moving along smoothly. you had some really dope imagery and i think that was the strongest part of your piece. i was feelin all the detail you put into this and it really made for an interesting read. ive never heard this topic get done before...it seems like you are always doin some twisted shit tho lol. i liked the multi's....only thing i would say could be worked on was vocab. it was a really great story but a lot of the lines ended in simplistic rhymes like god/nod, hell/well. i guess there just wasnt very much multisylabic rhyming ....but even with that said it doesnt really take away from the piece. overall it was a good read and the creativity was dope.

heres my links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=246554
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248940

[NoLuggage]

Hey ..that was sum ill shit you got there ..damn all that just flowed nicely together .nice masterpiece dawg...9 /10........... hit up my battle that needs to be closed out with sum votes.. http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248945

[asmodeus]

Dope as fuck...

Word man this is some real deep shit on tha real.....

Liked how ya put in chapters, added to the creativity....

Flow was great and complimented by the structure. Vocab was amazing and linked it all into a deep feeling piece....

Like this dawg... Keep it up.....


9.5/10

[Lurid]

i think it was good but the flow was off , it was more like reading a short story or nursery rhyme but with a twist (ironic) , the imagry was there , the vocab was kinda there it could have been better, i couldnt feel this piece cuz it was soo muck like a nursery rhyme or short story , i think in the future u should have a stronger flo .

overall 9.8/10


plez drop feed in one of my OM's

[God's Deciple]

Best Parts
Chapter 1
Once upon a time, when this shack was as normal as the rest
Satan and his good pal death, in attempt to change time, put it to the test
It, at one year, was full of life and children; who sparked future pain were
Unknowingly creating the environment needed... to bare the dark chamber
Chapter 2
These men, gazing into Satan's eye, trusted and shared dishes
Until one day the false God had ordered to them his final wishes
Feigning death of their dear friend, they immediately stopped the dread
And heading towards the nearest child; they came upon a small shed
With Lucifer shoving along, they raised their nail covered maces
And slowly one after another, unleashed them upon the children's faces
Chapter 3
Yuri, my beloved angel, come forth to do battle with evil
Bind the threads of all love and good without a needle
For this is why I have created you, to solve my pains and sorrows
And to carve away the crimes, and to leave the shell hollow
No matter what happens, please promise, you'll come back to me
For you, my girl, born for battle give me reason to sleep.
Chapter 4
It was treason, to God, she thought as she traveled on
She met with Satan's Son Damien, and her sword sang it's last song
...
...
When Damien had won, he traveled to his father to report
His dad, wailing with joy, had finished his Chamber, his fort
God, angry with grief, came down with a mighty roar
Stepping into the poisonous earth, his guts spilling upon the floor
He did not care, his anger mounted every waterfall with hope
Till it drank it's own water, swallowing poison through its throat


This piece was tight.I liked it alot.Eveyrthing in this was good,The imagery and the emotion was nice.The wording was perfect and the piece was really tence at alot points.The opners were nice which is why i enjoyed it alot.The piece was also special cause in everyday chapter it had something different.The emotion and imagery changed in a way which it was good.

Overall.
Tight drop.

[Ike Ill.]

Thanks God's Deciple for the really thorough feedback. S'what I need.

[.Silence.]

this right here was some deep shit.I really liked how you put the storyline to this piece cuz as you read the piece you can picture whats going on.And the Imagry and emotion in this piece was real deep and you can feel it when you read this piece.Also you had a real good structure and good use of your vocabulary.Overall this piece was a good piece to read.Hope to see more from you soon.

[God's Deciple]

Check:

6 hours

or

Remember?

And if your able to nominate twice please tell me.I would like to nominate this but iv already nominated.

[Born Vet]

i really liked this om it was deep and u were very creative i mean i neva really saw no body write somthing on this topic and it was hot u had da chapters which made ur strucuture look execellent and it was real deep gd shit twiz keep doing wat u doing man