Control's my thoughts enclose's my feeling's
Imatate's my heart attack's my soul
word's cannot decribe what I have to say
she stomps on my brain and release's my stress
make's me 4get my worrie's make's me relax
musache's my inside's warming's my touch
is she my guardian angel,lost lover or is she
that missing piece I need in my life
eye's are polished diamond's lip's are unfinished
heaven's she is my life my god my lajet demon
she is what I wanted and she has now
possested me with real love
this was a short azz poem. but you came with some deep feeling from it. maybe if it woulda been longer, you could have put more emotion of love into it. but it tight
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thankz more feedback plz
if words cant describe what you have to say, dont say anything. lol
im not being a clown im serious. thats a cliche line try to avoid that in your poetry.
other than that line, this is pretty decent. its like a 6/10. keep working on it, you seem to have potential.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248416 hit that puhleez shanks
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The glass isn't half empty, it's one third full...
but I wouldn't drink that anyway, it's mostly backwash.
............
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