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Thread: ..::The Diaries::.. (4 Way Collab)

  1. #1
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Post ..::The Diaries::.. (4 Way Collab)

    In this piece...We have the many views featured in a diary...about a diary...and Vafinest gives us the feel for a Emotional Diary Entry...Spekz is our "New"bie of the group and Introduces us to his wordplay and thoughts about "The Diaries".

    Introducing:


    Vamp
    Vafinest
    Spekz
    *~Big Nash~*

    What Is a Diary?
    A binding of emotional treasures buried under a cover
    Memories of friends, life, lovers that vary from another
    Each page screaming sentimental interests of time
    To capture life freezing moments you often leave behind
    Continuous thoughts scramble each page reveiling recent events
    .....not just a book?.....
    A world to vent a piece of the past each word represents
    Feelings dance swirls on paper constructing peace of mind
    Embracing the soul ending a thought becomes a freeze in time
    Secrets sworn independently to vanish from wandering eyes
    To take pride in each line,to alter life as a guide in disguise
    Closest friend,unless evil reaks a page with your deepest fear
    Frustration spills on a paper swollowing your most ungrateful tear
    Coming a newday a new entry of the mind emptying the past
    Ending a day with a blast of emotion with one last sentence to surpass
    Deep desires of thoughts that scramble your beliefs of emotions
    A notion that a pen elaborates on sending lines in a rambling commotion
    Pages grow thin as you continue to write down your every intellection
    Time writes a new direction,consuming a entry with a new affection
    Until a time rises where a closing statement ends the very last page
    Go on for days withought releasing every view on what you cant say
    Mind in disarray trying to stay happy while ur mind stays so ripe
    Maturity values your wellbeing embracing you to say what you like
    ..........not needing 2 write your feelings down..........
    Finally realizing you've just embarked on a new phase of your life.


    The Emotional Entry
    Today I did somethin wrong, that I will never regret
    It started out with a dice game, people were making there bets
    Tryin to get there lucky number, but it was never rolled
    I was taking everybodys stash, and I started counting all my tolls
    And I saw 50 was missing, so I filled up with anger
    Asked,"Who took some dough", they said nothin cuz they were in danger
    Then someone admitted, body shaking with fear
    Cuz they knew somethin was gonna happen......
    ....................sweat on his skin pourin like tears
    He said,"I didn't even bet", he really thought he was slick
    So I just played along, and his ass got hit
    Cuz he thought it was cool, but I took it kind of different
    Started making him bleed, then he was dead in an instant
    I just started throwing punches, he felt like he was gettin hit with a brick
    But he got the consiquence, now hes a dead prick
    And now I feel the sarrow, cuz his family is going through pain
    But in a way,don't give a fuck, cuz the boy was insane
    He was put under pressure, cuz he didn't know the outcome
    Now hes stuffed like a doll, cuz he was thinking so dumb
    So thats how my day was, and I will remember it to the end
    Now lets shut my diary, before I commit another sin


    The Emotionalism of the Diary
    As i Search through memories long lost I stumble upon my My "bible" layin battered And broken
    Openin i begin to study my personal scriptures, mental pictures speak whats not spoken
    Weatherd and torn, Cracked and worn This book has memories Held sacred for Years
    I grasp the Pen and place it to the paper, Emotions flood my body as my eyes Rain forth tears
    I begin to write, so feely my hand Holds the conversation with the paper I could not say
    Conversation so vivid, I feel my soul begin to mold, The paper being the hands and me the clay
    My soul erupts into rhyme as I Preach forth into the story of me
    All the words my mouth cant say my heart and hand work as one to write this diary
    My pen is the gateway for my soul to fly free as exstacy envelopes brain
    As My pen scribbles across the page, I'm soothed, like a slow walk in the rain
    Soul spoken thoughts ment for the eyes of one,feelings layed upon stone
    A pact between god and I ,Sealed in blood, classified for my eyes only
    Containing Trials and tribulation..disrespect and descention since birth
    The struggle for respect, Percavir’n for a positive effect to gain self worth
    Layin down the memories of the experiences Fullfillment Of Lovin for the first time
    Peacefull bliss and nothing less, body rapture captured forever by words so fine
    Long has it been Since I've writtin, A tidal wave of thoughts beg to be immortalized
    Furiously I trace the history of memories, Timelines Of deceit,defeat and wants denied
    Being defied, Left to remember tha thoughts that made me feel as one, of a simpler life
    The age of Purity when i was a kid,Without a care i run free was Severed drasticly with a knife
    A time without stress when all things solved themselves by themselves and all was right
    When feeling I could not realease, to hold within, in my "bible i would wright
    And so I'm rebornm, inhabitions torn, true self shines pure like a summer sunrise
    I see clear, the sufferin and pain suffered from Is within is replaced,former self dies
    As i close The book, I'm shook, eyes focus and i begin stand as i feel a breeze from the wind
    Heart racid I place My bible back where it belongs,Sigh, and say goodbye to an old friend


    Death of The Diaries
    Thoughtlessness flutters through the blank pages of the book,
    Breathlessness flows through their minds. Spirits are Took…
    Look on and read as the words just flow. See the person grow,
    Stop, Think, and Re-read the no rhymed verses ever so slow.
    You must know how to treat the feelings the person passes…
    …Or this concealing karma will explode. Then Faith Crashes,
    My attention snatches the attentions of the viewers Passions…
    Write down what you’re thinking, Guys Love, Girls Fashions.
    Loves, warfare, and blastin’…main and endless cause of poets,
    Reap what you sew and here’s the world as all of you know it.
    Inside the book of art on his or her life, Feelings about his wife,
    Feelings that will hurt your insides like a knife. That’s the hype,
    Wordless diaries are the ones typed. Listen to the wind, and me,
    But only to a certain degree, Spirituality and Sea to shining Sea,
    Individuality lusts and begins the wonders of the faith and trust,
    Listening to them is like listening to your woman, only a must,
    A must do! Break my feelings down to the crust, core of thought,
    Feelings no longer feel good, memories are feeling-less…………
    ……………………………………...............………And always distraught,
    Information to one’s self…who’s hot who’s not? Heat of Night,
    Loveless and delight combine in the same small book of rights,
    Who is and isn’t polite. Breaching all the barriers and limits…
    …I live for the days, months, and years. Not just the minutes,
    She writes down the breaching point of her life…the ecstasy,
    Her world is no longer a memory, it becomes reality…hopefully-
    She will take the world ever so nicely and much more seriously,
    Intimacy no longer pleasures…drastic measures…endings…......
    .................................................. ....the death of the diary.



    I hope sincerely that you enjoyed our views on this inparticular topic...I Personally will return feedback on any link posted in this forum...Thank you for hearing our voices...Love yall.


    ~NaSh
    ~VaMp
    ~SpekZ
    ~VaFinest


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...97#post3369097
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244505
    Links^^^

  2. #2
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    Big Nash man you got some skills, i got to give you credit, i like the way you write and express your views and i honestly think you can help me out with my writing maybe we can collab on something ourselves...hit me up

  3. #3
    Banned
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    mad props all 3 of you.....shit was tight from start to finish...lol worked out great with all the different ways we went ....nice set up NASH....verses were dope all around i think...good shit vamp and vafinest!!!


    my favorite lines of VAfinest:

    Then someone admitted, body shaking with fear
    Cuz they knew somethin was gonna happen......
    ....................sweat on his skin pourin like tears


    my favorite lines of VAMP:

    Weatherd and torn, Cracked and worn This book has memories Held sacred for Years
    I grasp the Pen and place it to the paper, Emotions flood my body as my eyes Rain forth tears

    my favorite lines of NASH:

    Stop, Think, and Re-read the no rhymed verses ever so slow.
    You must know how to treat the feelings the person passes…
    …Or this concealing karma will explode. Then Faith Crashes,
    My attention snatches the attentions of the viewers Passions…


    ^^^THOUGHT ID DROP MY 2CENTS...

    glad i could be a part of this


    ***by the way nebody that drops some GOOD feedback on this..i also will return the favor!!!***


    get at me

    peze

  4. #4
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Word thanks...and I_Me...I dunno...I looked at one of your pieces...I can try to work with ya...PM me or something later...I gotta get you to extend your lines...Your shit was real short...lol...

  5. #5
    ApOsTaSy
    Guest
    vamp:
    A binding of emotional treasures buried under a cover
    Memories of friends, life, lovers that vary from another
    Each page screaming sentimental interests of time
    To capture life freezing moments you often leave behind
    ...dope opener...

    Secrets sworn independently to vanish from wandering eyes
    To take pride in each line,to alter life as a guide in disguise
    Closest friend,unless evil reaks a page with your deepest fear
    Frustration spills on a paper swollowing your most ungrateful tear

    .....and....some more dope lines^

    Your whole verse was good, infact all of these were good, im just pointing out my fav lines of yours. You seem to write with deep thought and emotion, which was nice.

    VAfinest:
    Today I did somethin wrong, that I will never regret
    It started out with a dice game, people were making there bets
    Tryin to get there lucky number, but it was never rolled
    I was taking everybodys stash, and I started counting all my tolls
    And I saw 50 was missing, so I filled up with anger
    Asked,"Who took some dough", they said nothin cuz they were in danger
    Then someone admitted, body shaking with fear
    Cuz they knew somethin was gonna happen......
    ....................sweat on his skin pourin like tears
    He said,"I didn't even bet", he really thought he was slick
    So I just played along, and his ass got hit
    Cuz he thought it was cool, but I took it kind of different
    Started making him bleed, then he was dead in an instant
    I just started throwing punches, he felt like he was gettin hit with a brick
    But he got the consiquence, now hes a dead prick
    And now I feel the sarrow, cuz his family is going through pain
    But in a way,don't give a fuck, cuz the boy was insane
    He was put under pressure, cuz he didn't know the outcome
    Now hes stuffed like a doll, cuz he was thinking so dumb
    So thats how my day was, and I will remember it to the end
    Now lets shut my diary, before I commit another sin
    ...the whole fuckin verse was dope, and what was so good about it was the fact that you didnt even get that complex with it. you kept it pretty simple for the most par. i enjoyed reading it. I mean they said you were doing an emotional diary entry, and it was fuckin dope as hell. nice shit.

    Spekz
    My soul erupts into rhyme as I Preach forth into the story of me
    All the words my mouth cant say my heart and hand work as one to write this diary
    My pen is the gateway for my soul to fly free as exstacy envelopes brain
    As My pen scribbles across the page, I'm soothed, like a slow walk in the rain
    Soul spoken thoughts ment for the eyes of one,feelings layed upon stone
    A pact between god and I ,Sealed in blood, classified for my eyes only
    Containing Trials and tribulation..disrespect and descention since birth
    The struggle for respect, Percavir’n for a positive effect to gain self worth
    Layin down the memories of the experiences Fullfillment Of Lovin for the first time
    Peacefull bliss and nothing less, body rapture captured forever by words so fine
    Long has it been Since I've writtin, A tidal wave of thoughts beg to be immortalized
    Furiously I trace the history of memories, Timelines Of deceit,defeat and wants denied

    ....best lines of your verse. i was really feelin em. i havent really seen much of anything from you before, but this was still very dope. the rest of them seemed a little too stretched out, but these lines were creative, thoughtful and had good wordplay.

    Nash:
    Thoughtlessness flutters through the blank pages of the book,
    Breathlessness flows through their minds. Spirits are Took…
    Look on and read as the words just flow. See the person grow,
    Stop, Think, and Re-read the no rhymed verses ever so slow.
    You must know how to treat the feelings the person passes…
    …Or this concealing karma will explode. Then Faith Crashes,
    My attention snatches the attentions of the viewers Passions…
    Write down what you’re thinking, Guys Love, Girls Fashions.
    Loves, warfare, and blastin’…main and endless cause of poets,
    Reap what you sew and here’s the world as all of you know it.
    Inside the book of art on his or her life, Feelings about his wife,
    Feelings that will hurt your insides like a knife. That’s the hype,
    Wordless diaries are the ones typed. Listen to the wind, and me,
    But only to a certain degree, Spirituality and Sea to shining Sea,
    Individuality lusts and begins the wonders of the faith and trust,
    Listening to them is like listening to your woman, only a must,
    A must do! Break my feelings down to the crust, core of thought,
    Feelings no longer feel good, memories are feeling-less…………
    ……………………………………...............………And always distraught,
    Information to one’s self…who’s hot who’s not? Heat of Night,
    Loveless and delight combine in the same small book of rights,
    Who is and isn’t polite. Breaching all the barriers and limits…
    …I live for the days, months, and years. Not just the minutes,
    She writes down the breaching point of her life…the ecstasy,
    Her world is no longer a memory, it becomes reality…hopefully-
    She will take the world ever so nicely and much more seriously,
    Intimacy no longer pleasures…drastic measures…endings…......
    .................................................. ....the death of the diary.

    ....hehe once again nash, dope dope dope. i posted yours and va's verse because i feel you guys just came totally dope. vamp and spekz, yes they had good verses, just felt they could have been just a bit better, but not much, still all very good. and nash yours had good creativity, thoughtfullness, wordplay and you seemed to just write deeply here.

    overall, very dope collab from all of you, and keep it up, for real. one.

  6. #6
    Soule
    Guest
    Lol...This is Nash...

    And Btw...you switched Vamp and Spekz verse in that comment...lol...Vamp had the Bold and Spekz was Navy...Read the Caption on top...Thanks for feed tho...UPP

  7. #7
    ApOsTaSy
    Guest
    yeah my bad, i thought i might of had em mixed up, but you guys all came dope as hell though

  8. #8
    Soule
    Guest
    Thanks Again Good feed...Lets get som'ore...UPP!

  9. #9
    Beans
    Guest
    man that shit was hard as hell foreal ya niggas was rapping about diarie entrys and made it sound hot big nash ur shit was the dopest my nigga i gotta give all ya yall props cause that was some tight shit real talk ya boys keep doing wat yall doing

    and hit this links up and tell me wat u think 1

  10. #10
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    ^^Thanks I guess...Lol Uppin for more decent feedback

  11. #11
    Banned Antonio Banderas's Avatar
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    Vamp - the complexity in your verse was pretty nice. For the most part, I think the posistioning in your verse was on point. Good story from your view

    Vafinest - You flow was very consistant. The over usage of the word "I" was pretty acceptable because it gave some authencity to your verse.

    Spekz - Your verse lured in the target audience. You did a great job of hooking the audience with this creative introduction. Great flow.


    *~Big Nash~* - Ya word choices were very highly favorable.. You were very creative in your writing and used a solid structure and held up the finale of this writing

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    All a WHOLE COLLABO - This passage was very creative. you guys put a great spin on the topic, diary.. The creativity, structure, flow, & vocab were all present....

  12. #12
    The Audio King .Silence.'s Avatar
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    uppin this dope piece

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  13. #13
    The Audio King .Silence.'s Avatar
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    uppin this dope piece

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    MIXTAPE IS OUT NOW
    [SOUNDCLICK]8054116[/SOUNDCLICK]

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  14. #14
    Soule
    Guest
    Dope

    Speks you might be a newb. But you got heart and skill bro.

    Vamp, nash and va. good job bringing this bigga into the industry. He might be something.

  15. #15
    The Audio King .Silence.'s Avatar
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    thanks for the feedback

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