Troubled Life

[ApOsTaSy]

Im working on my topicals, but leave honest feedback please...

~Troubled Life~

This Life...brings me turmoil, the pain is indescribable, leaving me defenseless
Im hurting so bad, but cant explain to peeps, they just say im in denial, its senseless...
I succomed to the drugs, like weed and coc, so my parents lost my trust
And the path since then has gotten deeper and deeper, my lifes just turning to rust...
My "so called" friends have brought me down indefinitly, now the devil has me in his grasp...
But whenever my "friends" would have troubles arise, i'd be there to back em up right fast
Now all the defining moments in my life have been wasted from the drug abuse...
Lieing, cheating, stealing...and not being honest in my dealings has contributed too
I use to be a good kid, but all this shits just made me feel permanently lost...
Its fuckin terrifying because its gotten to the point where i cant control my thoughts
I'm becoming a headcase, all these thoughts disturb my head non-stop, they're fuckin relentless...
I dont know, maybe its because of the shame and guilt of the life in living so wreckless
I've lied so many times to my parents about drugs, partying or who i was chillin with...
Now its caught up to me, and i feel so bad for the bullshit i gave them as a gift
I've had enough of this shit, I wanna get my life back on track, and end all of the deceiving...
I wanna make it up to my parents, sincerely apologize, just end all of the grieving
I hurt my family enough, but I think im finally seeing, there is a chance for beleiving...
And there is a chance to get back on track, and get my ass out of this purple haze's being
To get out of this "Troubled Life", will make me a better person inevitibly...
To quit all the drugs, lieing, deveiving and bullshit, will set my soul free

[ApOsTaSy]

links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post3355719

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...40#post3355740

[SpittFire23]

i had a flash back and shit of my life growin up readin that........but anyway
you had good use of vocabulary good structure the only thing i'd say is to work on meta's other then that it was decent

[ApOsTaSy]

uppin this

[BigBoss]

yo this peice was good. It caught my attention. You got serious potential. You should check out "The Artist". We need a few more dope MCs to fill spots. If you want in, you dont have to try out, this peice was good enough. Just go holla at us in the this thread if you in: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...10#post3358710
Peace bro,
-Boss

[Jas Il]

It was a pretty good piece. The whole part about friends really reminded me of my friends back then and even now (to a lesser extent). The vocabulary was fine, I hate when dudes use this vocabulary and you gotta look in the dictionary every other word. I can't feel the flow on pieces like this because the lines are so long and you'd have to spit like Twista to get this on a normal beat but that's just me. Everything was pretty much straight.

Return the feedback. Link is in signature.

[ApOsTaSy]

can i get some more feed please?

[ApOsTaSy]

thanks for all the feed. but anybody leave honest feedback, im just trying to elevate my topicals. thanks.

one.

[Fatel]

Hey man that was a good verse... It feels like i can relate to some of that stuff, and i can see other people relate to it as well , so the way ur spittin it (i.e. the words ur puttin together/ur flow) is good becuz people are payin attention to it, but the only problem is the structure of it, its kinda hard to read becuz the lines are really long...if other people are reading it to a beat like i am, its pretty hard to cram 1 line correctly... but other than that, it was a good verse. I would put more multis in it as well.

[ApOsTaSy]

up, please leave some feedback

[Trema]

This was ayt, i felt the lines were a lil stretch out, i hate reading pieces where the lines are so bludy long. Anyway you had decent vocab and the emotion in this piece could be seen. Your structure to me was spot on other than the fact of the line thing you done good-..

[ApOsTaSy]

uppin......please get more feed on this....all of it so far is much appreciated...thanks

[ApOsTaSy]

still more feed please.....

[!.VeRbZ.!]

Posts: 669
Joined: Apr 2005
From: born in Mexico City where the foods nice and so is the motha fucking woman as well. And if you wanna hate me then fuck you.
Age: 20
Status: Offline
...

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IP: E91B A6E2


This was ayt, i felt the lines were a lil stretch out, i hate reading pieces where the lines are so bludy long. Anyway you had decent vocab and the emotion in this piece could be seen. Your structure to me was spot on other than the fact of the line thing you done good-..


he just about said it nice rhyme scheme....n u stayed on topic..........title matched peice......complexity was lackin......but u were as original as possible i hate when ppl do open mics similar to other ones...good peice man

[Antonio Banderas]

Good drop. The complexity used in this verse was pretty nice. You had a nice scheme going on here. Metas were used nicely and the topic "Troubled Life" was described as well as it could be... Good job on this piece