Faded Visions-mz.blaze N Champishere Collab

[mz.blaze]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241699
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=242104


(Mz.Blaze)
Love taste bittersweet-faced wit untouched destiny/
i was only seventeen when he swept me off my feet/
deceitful type dude-lookin to wife up a fool/
eyesight wasnt right-due to amusin gifts n jewels/
never used him for his cash-or asked about his past/
wanted this thing to last-i could sense it fadin fast/
claimed i was his only lady-wasnt easily persuaded/
waited to answer calls wheneva his space invaded/
downgraded suspicions-stated i was mainly insecure/
look back n blame myself-his betrayal was not obscure/
i was lured into tha glimmer of bein a hustlers chic/
tha picture gettin dimmer as i fuck wit tha focus/
he admitted infidelity after constant accusations/
no conversation could relate my deepest desperation/
my first taste of love was twisted wit suspicions/
trust your intuition-wicked words carry wisdom


(CHAMPISHERE)
At First we was in love,and the feeling was Strong,
1 year later and that feeling is Gone,
cause we argue and Fight,We can't Get Along,
so many nights i cried cause you aint come Home.
I thought i was in love, maybe i was Confused?
Cause i 'm left feeling emotionally Abused & Used.
Inside i thouht we Had something Special,
But you flipt the script like Mr.Hyde and Dr.Jekyl.
At first you was about Pleasing and Treating Me,
But now you constantly decieving Me,
and i can see Threw ya Lies so Easily,
it's so Sad you not tha Man you Used to Be,
But I can't take The Lies, I Can't take The Hurt,
so many times i tried and my pain you not Worth.
Cause you Continue To Lie and Cheat,
Fucking around with hoes running the Street.
So I gotta Go Time to Cut Him Off,
Cause Tha Love i once Had Now Is LOst

[~ladie_streetz~]

both need to elevate with the flow a little bit but both came good with the topic but it should have been more deeper into the topic it was hot though also your struc. needs to be iomproved also, try to make the flow go with the topic, had some good creative vocab but at times it was kinda basic enjoyed as i read but it coulda been better than what you had

[mz.blaze]

Thanks for tha feed ladie

[ThaChampIsHere#1]

uppin this piece for feed

[warchild]

I wasnt really feeling the topic a bit too sensitive for my liking if youve read my pieces you know mky style is far from deep lol. But this was a decent piece i thought Blaze your vocab was strong but it lacked multies to make the verse slightly more complex and in a piece like this it needed a bit more emotion whether it be anger frustration etc so work on that and i think your pieces will get better.
Champ put his spin on the topic but again i just felt maybe this piece was rushed the flow was off the imagery and vocab was too basic for the verses to stand out. My advice is think of a more original concept and really take your time with it dont write the first thing that comes in your head work on the flow and imagery and slowly you'll see improvement in your om's.
Return the feed on my new Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=243081