no feelings, no nothing..

[Mackin']

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...63#post3291563
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=240295

^^ my links



i wake up, place is silent, offely strange
dont no whats goin on, frustrated, wantin to rearrange someones face
all of a sudden my brain starts to ache, the frustration is drivin me insane
tears fallin from my face faster than droplets of rain
my white tee's stained, red, but i dont feel no pain
tryin to look for a clue of what happened all over the place
no feelings inside, no love, no like, no hate
i look around tryin to decide if this is real of fake
it seems all i really wanna keep doin is cry, and i dunno why
no feelings of nothin, but still the worst feeling in my life
hard to see wit all the god damn tears building up in my eyes
cant figure out whats happening no matter how hard i try
frustration is the only other thing on my mind
i try to control it by lettin off an angered sigh
got a bad feeling inside, so i look up to the sky
out of no where my body's lifted from the ground and i start to fly
i look down at the ground wonderin whats happenin now
i look around and my face is already in the clouds
my altitude elevates till i come to a gate, it opens and i step in
it comes out i was murdered, and my soul has just reached heaven

[Nique.]

this was average. nothing spectacular. and you need links. anyway, your flow was real inconsistent..some parts it was smooth and other parts it was choppy as hell..seems like you didn't put too much time into this, which is why i'm saying this was pretty cool considering you didn't take too long..i hope you didn't take too long..anyway, average drop..peace

[noncentz]

For A Basic Rhyme You Did Well In Conveying Your Point Across.
You May Want To Think Of Adding Metas To Inhance Your Style And How It Can Change From A Monotne Flow To A Brutal Assault.

[Mackin']

my links are there above my verse.. anyway thanks for the feedback

[Mackin']

seems like you didn't put too much time into this, which is why i'm saying this was pretty cool considering you didn't take too long

yeah it took like 5 to 7 minutes.. i didnt put much work into it at all

[.Silence.]

this piece was ok but I think it could have been better.You had a good topic with a good storyline.But I would try to use more Imagry and emotion in your verse I mean you had emotion but it just didn't feel strong.You had an ok structure and your wordplay was ok.Just keep on writing and you'll get better.keep up the good work and check out "Inner demons" or "how parents are theses days"

[J-Hova]

I agree wit vafinest it was ight and It could've been better the topic was ok and u couldve used more vocabs other than that it was ight

[Mackin']

uppin for feedback

[SkullBreaker]

yo i agree qit hova it was aight just work on it more and ull get there aight

[SkullBreaker]

sorry what i meant to say was i agree wit hova it was alright just try harder next time and ull make it aight better luck next time