yo i hadda holl@ @ this joint.. mos def of the heezy
only part i had nits with was
He screamed for the first time
He cried in unbelief for the first time
He covered his nakedness with a leaf
just all those He He HE starting the lines wasnt too attraCTIVE TO MY EYES
fukken dope drop tho.. i like the way it merged in and out of the picture
first poem?.. you got it on point dun
1
.................................................. ......................
"In the background was Eve
Who seduced him with the worst line
From the edge of that tree
She whispered, “Just take one bite” "
These are brilliant lines that describe just how
temptation can alter you to do something.
"By the Snake who was now laughing
Climaxed by the waterfall crashing
Mixed with the angels gasping
Matched by the demons clapping"
Amazeing structure on how to tell how everyone is reacting to this.
To show exactly how each side responded.
Also i must add that the picture goes perfect with this poem.The fact that it reveals the waterfall and how you entered that into the poem is great.Keep up the good work ~peace
ERASED
thnx
Open Mics
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Poetry
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Last Word
Twizteds Bodyguards
Quotes HOF
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Originally Posted by Vamp.
nice peice felt the imagery creativity was fine......complexity was good cud of been better but good ...keep it up ill be looking for more peices from u....oh yeah and i also liked how the title matched the peice...and go hit up ma peice honestly its intitled Brotherly Love
Posting Rules
Reply With Quote