"Razorblade Romance"

[Atti]

Life's beauty is only achieved by Tasting a Death.
So I Kiss the Blade's Unforgiving Lips to Acquire its Taste.
Yet, when does the Taste classify as a Hunger?
A Cutter? No... I Dance Reality only for Progression.
Or, am I a Glutton? N- no not me, Never That.

I'm a Victim, Y- yes, I'm Attacked.
Grip the Razor Blade and attempt to Fend it Off.
But in the struggle his Personality Rips at my emotions.
In Tears; He breaks my spirit...but he Doesn't Mean It.
Honestly, He Loves Me! That's Why He Wishes To Help.

"I'm Sorry, Let Me Kiss It And Make It Better"

I- I feel his Compassion. He's is True.
Like a mother he tends to my Emotional Wounds.
As his fingers Rub Divinely along my Wrist, He Cries.
I watch the Tears poor down his face, and I ask "Why?"
My Lover grins at me as I wipe away his Tears.
I smile vibrantly as I know the intention... Love.
But I'm so tired. So I lift him from me as again he Cries.
I wish so that I could Please Him, but I'm-I'm So Tired.

I gazed at him; Teeth Salivating with a Metallic Stare.
As he overpowered me, "STOP IT!"
I scream at him to stop, Why Isn't He Listening!?!
This Isn't Love Anymore, This Is Hate... This Is Lust.
This Is-This Is Sin. As Innocence Hurls Itself,
It kisses my eyes good-bye, I've left it no choice.
The Blade Tares continuously at my Veins,
Raping away my every Metaphysical Being.
Its not the Physical Pain, it's the Distrust. The Force.
I know longer know him. He is a Stranger.

As he finishes, he gives a Last Kiss before I fall.

Faint and Pale I stumble to the Mirror...
Only to find that Death's Beauty,
resides only within the Mind Of The Killer.

*Grins... Looking over his Masterpiece*

[Aashes]

This is what I call a tear drops on the pages piece. As emotional scarring as it must be to u and upsetting it is to read, It's a great piece. The whole idea I got from the poem was suicide, and being a person whose tried and failed twice, I feel ur pain. I started writin as a way to release my pain so people could know what i was going through so I hope u keep pushin pens

[Atti]

Thanks Alot For Actually Responding
... No One Else Returns Favors.

Its Very Much So Apreciated.

[Deviate]

Metaphorical, complex, emotional, powerful... I enjoyed this. I never usually find my way into the Poetry forum but its work like this that makes me glad I do have the occasional look. You wrote with consistancy and confidence, all combined with a great choice of vocabulary and writing technique. I don't wish to fault this as I don't know too much about the critical appreciation of poetry, but in my otherwise uninformed opinion, there was little to improve.

Nice work... Send me more links. Maybe I'll get into poetry one of these days eh?

[spokenoh]

I've seen this type of concept with suicide done before. Different styles, same approach.
I liked how the first stanza you really linked the lines together. How you put an emphasis on one word that carried through to the next line, etc. I think if you did that primarily, the poem would have been even better.
Some things you could work on is really releasing your emotions into it. And putting yourself in it, in the present tense would really show that more. Example, where you said "I Watch The Tears Poor Down His Face, And I Ask "Why?" - you could have much easier just stated 'why' and I would be able to get into it more. Appeal to the reader more in the sense that you're part of what's going on, since you tend to jump back and forth as narrator and character which can be distracting. Also spell check would be nice

Anyways, good poem, and keep writing.

[Atti]

Lol Ya, I Cant Spell At All
... I'll Make Sure To Spell Check The Next Piece.

But Thanks For The Feedback You Two,
... It Really Helps Out Alot.

[Atti]

... Upping

[Atti]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmhm,
Upping.

[HaZy]

well well well

i could tell just from the title
i was gonna like this piece but
i also knew that i would know the theme and concept of the piece as well

ive found a lil trick
when you have a typical piece ( such as suicide, love, death ect) in other words not a pecified event or subject
its good to add in a kick to the title or perhaps even the first stanza so that for instance

jane wrote a poem
her poem is call
scars on my arms

you can tell what kind of poem it is and pretty much the layout as well

regardless
this was a tear jercker tho i do end up crying at all most all of the suicide, hate crimes, and children poems

Like a mother he tends to my Emotional Wounds.

since i am a mother and proud of it i might add
i felt this line hook my heart and rip it right out in the end

the peice was well written well focused
and in a sense a story that is too often told in todays world

good job!

[Floetry]

I'm uppin this one for yah its a great poem very powerful message sent out.Of betrayal that they loved someone then the person they loved raped them.Well atleast thats the idea i got from it.This poem could of had a lil better ryhming ,but u still got the point through on the story which is good.I liked the wordplay and emotion in this peice too.Keep up the work Atticus very nice.In the meantime comment me on my "TRUE COLORS" poem. I'm trying hard to find out what i need to do to become a better poem writer.~peace~

[Atti]

Thanks Alot For The Feedback
... Upping.

[TwixSin]

little old to be uppin... :P

[Atti]

Not Really.

[MISTA GRIM]

this is nice. imagery was spectac u painted a vivid picture of ya concept and it was a good read. sad but a good read. keep em cummin'