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Thread: will i

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    will i

    yo i just started lemme no how im doin


    verse 1:i spit ill but no one hears wat i say cuase im feelin like pac cause ive seen better days will i make it in the game or be another victim of a stray another death to a bullet every time i ryhme i live my life to the fullest my whole life story in a mix of studdas and slurs but im the jason x of rap cause im a killah wit words o shit hear that last line must of got caught up in the cycle wats happend to me and dis world kids in iraq and africa is now holden rifles maybe ill wake up this will all just be a dream past idols i now no is just bloodz and crack fiends will i grow up to be just another one of those to avoid it i keep spittin till my casket close will i....

    chrous x1 will i make it or die like so many others or will i pledge my life to L.A. and die for my colors red blue crippin and killin blood n a g will i go down as a gang banger or a great mc and ive been wonderin for a while god so plz answer me

    verse 2: Lookin at past souljahs is now just a stresser bein a white rapper from Watts Los Angeles im startin to feel the presure my flow is like my struggle simply unique somethin u dont see every day unlike death in the streets ive heard that the boyz in the hood are always hard my block is Los Angeles but now its more like a grave yard thats the reason i cant trust no one its almost as if everyone died i had an ak put in my hand and was forced to ride i was told we all livin to die the day i witnessd the meanin of bangin i realzed we is all livin a lie hip hop brought me bak from the dark said i was spittin flame my ryhmes started to spark someday ill be heard loud and clear cause raps the only thing that keeps me here cause when i hold a pen i take action keep freestylin and writin till i make it or go to thugz mansion

    chours: will i make it or die like so many others will i pledge my life to L.A. and die for my colors red and blue crippin and killin blood n a g will i go down as a gang banger or a great mc and ive been wonderin for a while god so plz answer me....

  2. #2
    Senshuken SpitBoxer's Avatar
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    yo fam u need to work on your structure. add some periods or commas or suttin.

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! jay one's Avatar
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    your rhymes are okay but your structure was annoying
    Jay One

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    vote on my battles

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  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mcl's Avatar
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    this was hard to understand but the rhymes were sweet

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    i just started so u no

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    do u think if i keep spittin i could get a deal one day

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    be honest answer plz

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    why isnt nobody answerin cmon

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    uppin for more feed

  10. #10
    Banned
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    ok thanx for the feed and credz im not really sure wat u mean

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    uppin more feed

  13. #13
    mc FireSt0rm
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    nice ryhmes

  14. #14
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    word fam, you really need to work on ya structure, its hard to realize where one line ends and one begins, seperate your rhymes into lines, you wrote it like your telling a story, heres an example of what you should do...

    will i make it or die like so many others
    or will i pledge my life to L.A., and die for my colors

    keep droppin man, you got some skills...
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title! pyro2472's Avatar
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    ok thx everyone for speakin and il take the adivce

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