User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: first online rhyme

  1. #1

    first online rhyme

    take a hit of this bomb weed, its the only thing i need
    to become a lyrical genius and direct hate towards greed
    talk shit, fuck a bitch, and take it to you real fast
    was once an angry child, its now a thing in the past
    suddenly hear sirens, speed away half dead and laughing
    popo got burned so bad they gonna need a skin-graphing
    oh no, im a little low on this sticky dro, ho
    do you know where i can hook up and get some mo?
    its just my crazy flow, that turns multiple heads
    as i sit at my desk writing endless threads
    about how my friends and family always end up dead
    and about the countless nights ive been up in my bed
    i grew up fast, although some grew up quicker
    i drownd out bad memories with weed and liquor
    i grew up in more than poverty but less than wealth
    god may be watching but i have to watch out for myself

  2. #2
    and fuck you too Meks.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    South Jersey
    Age
    38
    Posts
    10,264
    Battle Record
    115-57
    Awards VBL Champion 100+ Wins
    decent peice here, rhyme scheme was true... had some good concepts in there, flow was a little rocky certain places..a little basic but it was ok i guess, try comin more complex and witty use some wordplay or sumthin.. some better metas n shit.. throw some punchlines in ur story.. work off that peace

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    565
    Battle Record
    8-3
    This was a pretty good topic, not much imagery, but u kno...it was pretty tight... rhymes culd have been more complex and multi amounts was okay to me... just the flow was a lil off at times... lines i thought were good, and u really had some great ideas... i loved the ending tho, that came dope to me
    god may be watching but i have to watch out for myself
    keep elevatin, and this was a pretty nice piece for ya first net post..

    culd you hit up an OM under my sig n return feed? that wuld be appreciated, thanx

  4. #4
    mcbadboy
    Guest
    this rap has a lot of flow man keep rapin

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mcl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    asif
    Posts
    209
    Battle Record
    0-1
    if this was your first then it had some good rhymes man
    Runnin with
    the divided
    PoEtic JustUs
    spitfire

    OP's
    The young child

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Cross Hatching

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  6. #6
    The "Too good for you" remindes me of feelings i used to feel.
    Great song homes

  7. #7

    Thumbs up

    Bonethugs are killer, but they need to come out with some new stuff

  8. #8
    mcbadboy
    Guest
    i like the first bit man and yo rhyems are good

  9. #9
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    Needs legit title.

Similar Threads

  1. First rhyme?
    By New2This in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: October 23rd, 2009, 04:13 PM
  2. Rhyme Rhyme Rhymeeeee
    By SinAmen in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: July 30th, 2005, 11:38 AM
  3. First Rhyme U ever did?
    By HoPe in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: October 30th, 2004, 03:26 PM
  4. this is my first rhyme
    By WOOSHY in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: May 25th, 2002, 04:35 PM
  5. my first rhyme...
    By E.I. TdOT in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: May 19th, 2002, 03:30 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •