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Thread: People talkin bout

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! waterflow's Avatar
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    Exclamation People talkin bout

    People talkin bout
    People talkin bout
    all of yall are talkin bout,
    the dyin,the killin,the shootin,the lyin, the tryin,
    and all about the whites the blacks the yellow the blues,
    People talkin bout how they life have been so fucked up in the past but im not goin to,
    anymore anyway cause if its so fucked up why should u bring the past in2 the new days,
    i dont no im just confused,
    i know u shouldnt keep shit bottled up inside,
    and its not good to hide,
    but why,
    why do this to ur self and i realized a whole lot of people are startin 2 ask why,
    and delussional stuff like why do they exist why they are still alive,
    i ask myself questions like that in another poem i wrote,
    dont no what that was 4 because all i did was cry and cry,
    it just bought me into reality,
    4got about all my creativity, curiosity and mostly my verbulosaty,
    i could make up words from the top of my head thats what i do,
    but when people start to hate thats when i start to assume and conclude,
    we wouldnt be people if we didnt assume and hate,
    i guess it was just our fate,
    but its a bold line between critiquers and haters,
    critiquers improve,
    haters set back but in the end they are the ones who lose,
    but yet they do what they wanna do say what they wanna say but neva get to try to find out whats really inside of you,
    mabey there to good ,
    or mabey thats what they think,
    i have no pen and paper but that s not ya issue,
    this computa was donated cause i told somebody that i wanted to go to school and written is what i wanna pursue.
    hater's go on and say its some shit i wont get offended.
    Last edited by waterflow; September 27th, 2005 at 10:59 PM

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! waterflow's Avatar
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    check it out feed back please

  3. #3
    K.T: The Assassin ~ladie_streetz~'s Avatar
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    your poem was okay, but it just wanst written too well...
    yu need to work on rhymin a little bit beter as well.
    i didnt see a main purpose along with this piece so you shouldve came more direct and been more specific with your poem also a better title woulda helped for it.
    the poem was okay though, not bad but next time just try to add a little more decnt vbocab to it and elevate on the rhymin skillz
    THE FAMILY.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! waterflow's Avatar
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    thanks ladie and i thank u for reading almost all of my threads and u really give me th ebest feed back and i really appreciate it

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Ether Spitter's Avatar
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    like it has been stated...this was ok ma...you need to work on ya sentence structure cuz on this site....shorter and succinct sentenses wit nice flow is what takes the cake....work on that and you'll be aiight....other than that....keep readin other folks stuff, interact and peep wordplay...from there incorperate and elevate....stay up

    igido
    He knows all and sees all...the creator of our creativity ...I follow The Divinity

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! waterflow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ether Spitter
    like it has been stated...this was ok ma...you need to work on ya sentence structure cuz on this site....shorter and succinct sentenses wit nice flow is what takes the cake....work on that and you'll be aiight....other than that....keep readin other folks stuff, interact and peep wordplay...from there incorperate and elevate....stay up

    igido
    thanku i appreciate the critique

  7. #7
    Newbie youngprophet2's Avatar
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    it was some shit i hate it it was trash. i'm sorry i didn't mean except fo the part about it being some shit i'm not a hater i just telling you like it is when you get home call me

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