i dont have a title yet but try not to hate

[poundz18]

this is still a piece of work in progress i only have 1 verse just let me know what you think about it ok.




no need for a splif i spit to get lifted
musics the type bitch i wanna have kids wit
ever get that feeling when you took a beat and ripped
sick wit the writtens so dont get it twisted
i unravel like the leaf on a dutch pen in my clutch
the reason why the streets on my nuts
im nice wit the thing between my two cheeks
im inlove wit the ink but im married to looseleaf
music is my world so i dig my grave in it
bathe in it treats me like shit but i stay wit it
man this is more than an infection
couldnt keep me away with an order of protection
sick of every bar all about automatics
chains, whips, rims yall spit and dont have it
my team copped yo cd just to laugh at it
might as well put music in a pipe im an addict


POUNDZ

[warchild]

This was a decent verse i liked the line about music being the only bitch you wanna have kids with. That was a nice line and grabbed my attention but the rest of the piece just didnt really stand out to me.
Your vocab needs to be upped so you can create some better imagery so you can describe your surrondings/feelings/thoughts etc in more detail.
Up your flow work on the syllables so you can add in multies/internals this will help make your verses complex. Also try and come up with some good concept songs and i think your pieces will improve. Decent attempt just work on what i said. Keep Writing Keep Posting.

Return the feed on my new Om id appreciate it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527

[poundz18]

thanks anymore feedback from anyone

[Mistral]

Cant post a Thread without a legit title.