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Thread: judgement day

  1. #1
    Newbie
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    judgement day

    -so this is a piece in the process.....i need ups, just let me know...im still coming along, tryin to elevate....help me out, thanks peace......

    (Chorus)
    I woke up with a headache, thought I felt an earthquake
    But it was just God telling me I didn’t make it.
    Serpent threw an apple, so I decided to take it,
    Venom consumption, took my soul just to break it.

    (Verse)
    I don’t fake this, I awake this, I’m serious not to play this,
    It’s judgement day, I’m patiently on the waiting list.
    Check that shit once, or even check it twice,
    But I beg for God’s mercy, he doesn’t strike me thrice.
    Third times a charm and I haven’t been nice,
    Been naughty ridin shottie with that look in my eyes.
    I despise, cuz im on the rise, lookin for people to analyze,
    To criticize, hypnotize, just to paralyze.
    I’m hypnotic, I’m psychotic my intentions are erotic,
    If sin was a virus, diagnose me, I got it.
    I’m flooded with a sickness, bad taste so I spit it,
    Cleanse my system of impurity, cuz I wanna get rid of it.
    Exemption from Hell, my escape, reciting spells,
    Bathe with holy water in Redemption’s well.
    My destitution is an illusion, that’s darkened by confusion,
    So I’ll look for a solution mending this cold heart’s contusion.


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=208003


    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234363
    Hip-Hop n pop locks, pop rocks n pill pops, this shit is simply vital, like crimson at a murder spot. Puzzle pieces, dead Jesus, please jus, gimme the answers, I live a life conspiracy, driven by pain and panic......

    But I'm a lyrical miracle..........



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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mcl's Avatar
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    yo man cant wait to hear the rest this piece had some wicked rhymes hit me up when its finished

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    Venom consumption, it took my whole soul just to break it... i

    some nice lines and poetic, but could prolly b worded a bit better in places

    'm not sure if the internal rhymes are working in some of this piece tho..they seem a bit overdone, or somewhat too close together..and it seems a bit jumbled in places

    ie...analyze,
    To criticize, hypnotize, just to paralyze.
    and....
    My destitution is an illusion, that’s darkened by confusion,
    So I’ll look for a solution mending this cold heart’s contusion.

    seem like they need a lil work ...

    if your gonna add some more i'd say throw in some images of whats going on

    stay up
    pz
    .................................................. ......................

  4. #4
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    to me the vocab though fruitful was also dence. the idea and wordusage was there and i really enjoyed it but i think its minorly overdone.
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  5. #5
    Banned
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    nice drop sorry errr

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