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Thread: Mr.president

  1. #1
    Ny.ce
    Guest

    Arrow Mr.president

    Hey Guys, I Just Wrote My First Song And Think It Turned Our Pretty Well. Give Me Feed Back On What You Think And What Should Be Changed. I Only Have Two Verses Right Now And A Chorus But Its A Start.

    Chorus-20 Seconds:mr.president Get Your Mind Right Quick//
    Think About The Position You Laying These People
    In//they Aint Got No Life//they Livin In Trife//
    And All You Had To Do Is Payed Attention And Tryed//
    But Now Its To Late//so You Aint Gettin Forgivin//
    In My Eyes// You Makin Us Live A Lie//
    The Question Is Why//i Aint Surpirsed/i Saw This Day
    Comin It Just Took Some Time//

    Verse 1-take A Minute To Agnolage The Pain//
    It Dont Take A Scientist Just Use Your Brain//
    We Got Brothas On The Street Still Slangin That Cain//
    And Remember September 11th What About The Planes?//
    Mr.president Im So Confused//in A Way I Feel Like Im Gettin Used//
    And In My Mind More Like Abused//we All Know Bush Be In White House Enthused//
    Mr.president You Actin A Fool//so Man On Up And Be More Real//these People
    Need More Than Just Three Hot Meals//so Protect New Orleans// Like They A King//
    And Let The Angels Sing//they Humanbeins//just Like You And I So Why Make Them Fein//
    For What They Need//you Seem More Greedy//than A Leader In Our Communitys//
    So Give Them The Opportunity//and Stop Being A Punk//and Give On Up//
    Because We've Heard You'r Stories And Know That You Bluff//you Should Be Cuffed//
    But Thats My Opinion But Should Be A Must//trust Me If I Had The Power//
    I'd Throw Up Bucks To Those In-need Like The Twin Towers//

    Chorus-20 Seconds:mr.president Get Your Mind Right Quick//
    Think About The Position You Laying These People
    In//they Aint Got No Life//they Livin In Trife//
    And All You Had To Do Is Payed Attention And Tryed//
    But Now Its To Late//so You Aint Gettin Forgivin//
    In My Eyes// You Makin Us Live A Lie//
    The Question Is Why//i Aint Surpirsed/i Saw This Day
    Comin It Just Took Some Time//

    Verse 2-mr.president//look How You Treat Your Residents//
    Pleasnt Yet?//naw We Still Livin In Hell Wheres Clint//
    When We Need Him//we Got Hurricana Katrina//on Our Hands//
    Where Was The Plan When The Storm Struck?//now Where Stuck//
    In A Time Of Sorrow//just Keep Your Head Up And Pray For Them Better Days//
    And Keep Your Eyes Open For Signs//for Which We Prayed//
    Why Would Bush Even Lead Us The Wrong Way?//is This Slavery?//
    Another Form Of Hatered B?//its Holdin Me Back//knockin Me
    Off Track//its Makin Lose My Visuals To Where I Stand At//
    I'm So Confused Yet I Stay True//and Whatever I Do I Gotta
    Concentrate To Follow Through//because This Worlds Cold Like
    The Dew//on The Grass In The Moring//this Gotta Be A Untrue//
    Dream// More Like A Scheame//i Cant Figure It Out//i Guess Its
    Up To The President To Find Better Sea Scouts//
    To Search For A Better Route//like The Crisis Was A Drought//
    I Dought//the President Will Come To His Senses He's More
    Likely To Pout//

  2. #2
    ENTHUSIA
    Guest
    Kk.....like You Said To Me You Gotta Stay On Topic And You Did That.....
    This Werent Bad Considering Your Post Account...
    I Liked The Concept...altough It's Already Been Used...
    ...your Vocab's Ok...you Jus Need To Realise That These One Syllable Rhimes Are Geting A Bit Tedious
    But It Was Decent ....prop's ,....keep Doing Ya Ting Kid.

  3. #3
    Ny.ce
    Guest
    Thanks Yo. Yah Well Its My First Song, Its Hard For Me Rapping About Hurricane Katrina And Stuff Like That Because I Dont Really Pay Attention To It All, Just Spit Whaat I Know. Anyways Thanks Yo Keep Bangin.

  4. #4
    ENTHUSIA
    Guest
    Fo Sho..........props. .

  5. #5
    Ny.ce
    Guest
    Uppin...

  6. #6
    Banned
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  7. #7
    Newbie
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    this is a hard song but really true/ keep upin and add more verses and but other than that it is sweet. i feel what your saying cuz

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    u betta run cuz i'm comin fo u wit the sawed off shotie

  8. #8
    Ny.ce
    Guest
    Every time you post you have to? Alright. Thanks for the info man. Uppin yo.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...24#post3208124

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235558
    Last edited by Ny.ce; September 26th, 2005 at 09:10 PM

  9. #9
    Ny.ce
    Guest
    Can I get introuble for labeling it Mr.President for the title? I heard about Young Bloodz presidential and they had to change it.

  10. #10
    flavin's Avatar
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by Ny.ce
    Can I get introuble for labeling it Mr.President for the title? I heard about Young Bloodz presidential and they had to change it.
    lmfao.......no ur not gonna get in trouble........heres my breakdown......oh and the other guys are idiots and dont know what they're saying........and im not hating with this breakdown:

    ur rhyme sheme was way to simple, u need to start coming complex and use multies and bigger words and shit like that. NEVER do a topic thats been done by a real artist such as eminem who did MOSH . ur structure was pretty much horrible, make ur lines like this:

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    and get rid of all though stupid ass //. read one of my pieces for more help on that. overall this wasnt to good but you will elevate.

  11. #11
    Ny.ce
    Guest
    Whats Multis? I Dont Know All The Terms. Fill Me Up. And Thanks For Being Honest Yo.

  12. #12
    flavin's Avatar
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    remember what i said about everyone elevates. just cuz i gave u bad feed dont get discouraged or anything like that. use it as insentive to come here next time and blow me away...........and here is the link to everythinh ull ever want to know or need help with.

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=140766&page=1

  13. #13
    Mikey B
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    nice drop dogg. fresh just needs polished.................

  14. #14
    Ny.ce
    Guest
    Thanks everybody. And I'll will do better next time.

  15. #15
    The True Psycho of RB
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    Decent verse, i felt your concept but you didnt do it justice.
    Your structure was terrible it was a chore to read this try and keep your bar length the same this will make people wanna read your verses.
    Some of your imagery was nice, your vocab was used well but the flow was too basic so the verse never stood out and grabbed my attention.
    If you want your stuff to improve work on your flow mix in some multies and metaphors to your verses this will make your pieces more complex.
    Good try but think of some concepts and take time with your verses.

    Return the feed on my new OM id appreciate it:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527

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