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Thread: Last Day On Death Row (Please Dont Sleep On this)

  1. #1
    The True Psycho of RB
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    Last Day On Death Row (Please Dont Sleep On this)

    The concept of this song is a guy who's been on Death Row awaiting his death and this is just my perspective of what it would be like and what the guy would be going through. It's 3 verses but take your time with it dont just read it fast to get too the end read in depth and leave some good feed.


    Im awoken by the stench of the guard's anticipation
    I have to deal with whats behind and the shit im facing
    Being born with this barbaric brain was my only hell
    The walls of this cage hush up cause they know me well
    The first time i was thrown in jail i was only twelve
    But this is my last bid ten years in this lonely cell
    A lot of time on my hands, a lotta rhymes on my hand
    Cause they wont give me a pad for some reason im mad and uneven
    I have to keep my mind state strong like the spine of a man
    It was the only thing i could fufill cause crime was a plan
    I know i must take my punishment so my tears are shed
    I never had too many visitors cause my peers are dead
    Never commited to any bitch cause i used to date the steel
    Just like all my friends did so unfortunately their fate was sealed
    Maybe i'll see them all soon but i'll die in a different way
    I wonder if god will hear me out cause it's today

    Im contemplating whether to tell you my back story
    Nah im sorry i cant do it cause to be honest that bores me
    I'll tell you this from my birth date i had a cursed fate
    But to be even more honest i was bad in the first place
    Booze and drugs, hanging with a crew of thugs
    The neighbourhood that im from you dont choose to love
    I was dealing weight in the day then robbing folks
    I never mentioned religion around my friends cause god brings jokes
    It was a Tuesday i mugged a women for a bag of groceries
    Didnt realise her sons were watching so they had to smoke me
    Both came running up but they didnt have the chance to shoot
    Because i shot them first they only had a glance at youth
    I left those two kids not far from a corpse state
    Lawyers couldnt do nothing for me at the court case
    They died despite a week of operations and life support
    I honestly feel remorse i just hope where im going it's a nice resort

    Im eating my last meal yeah it's bitter sweet
    My last visitor was my daughter she blew a kiss to me
    I'll hold that in my heart till my final breath
    Im nervous but here it starts yeah my final stretch
    Guards open the cell and proceed to cuff both hands
    Whether i get to hell or heaven i pray my oath stands
    Ten year's ago that's really when my past finished
    Maybe i could pray for forgiveness but it's last minute
    Im sitting in a seat silent as they shave my head bald
    I look around startled i coulda sworn i heard the dead call
    The guards look at me like my mind was fucking crazy
    I have to put a diaper on like im a fucking baby
    They walk me to the room i see the victim's familys
    I have to look them in the eyes they cant stand me
    Im strapped to the chair now i sweat my exit
    Soon it'll be all over when they press the next switch.........

  2. #2

  3. #3
    .:The Topical Guru:. Trema's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by warchild
    The concept of this song is a guy who's been on Death Row awaiting his death and this is just my perspective of what it would be like and what the guy would be going through. It's 3 verses but take your time with it dont just read it fast to get too the end read in depth and leave some good feed.


    Im awoken by the stench of the guard's anticipation
    I have to deal with whats behind and the shit im facing
    ^^^Nice start off

    Being born with this barbaric brain was my only hell
    The walls of this cage hush up cause they know me well
    The first time i was thrown in jail i was only twelve
    But this is my last bid ten years in this lonely cell
    A lot of time on my hands, a lotta rhymes on my hand
    Cause they wont give me a pad for some reason im mad and uneven
    I have to keep my mind state strong like the spine of a man
    It was the only thing i could fufill cause crime was a plan
    I know i must take my punishment so my tears are shed
    I never had too many visitors cause my peers are dead

    ^^^Them two lines were fucking deep, nice rhymes warchild!

    Never commited to any bitch cause i used to date the steel
    Just like all my friends did so unfortunately their fate was sealed
    Maybe i'll see them all soon but i'll die in a different way
    I wonder if god will hear me out cause it's today

    Nice 1st verse!

    Im contemplating whether to tell you my back story
    Nah im sorry i cant do it cause to be honest that bores me
    ^^^That was a dope rhyme (wish i could rhyme like dat lol,nice1

    I'll tell you this from my birth date i had a cursed fate
    But to be even more honest i was bad in the first place
    Booze and drugs, hanging with a crew of thugs
    The neighbourhood that im from you dont choose to love
    I was dealing weight in the day then robbing folks
    I never mentioned religion around my friends cause god brings jokes
    It was a Tuesday i mugged a women for a bag of groceries
    Didnt realise her sons were watching so they had to smoke me
    Both came running up but they didnt have the chance to shoot
    Because i shot them first they only had a glance at youth
    I left those two kids not far from a corpse state
    Lawyers couldnt do nothing for me at the court case
    They died despite a week of operations and life support
    I honestly feel remorse i just hope where im going it's a nice resort

    Im eating my last meal yeah it's bitter sweet
    My last visitor was my daughter she blew a kiss to me
    I'll hold that in my heart till my final breath
    Im nervous but here it starts yeah my final stretch
    Guards open the cell and proceed to cuff both hands
    Whether i get to hell or heaven i pray my oath stands
    Ten year's ago that's really when my past finished
    Maybe i could pray for forgiveness but it's last minute
    Im sitting in a seat silent as they shave my head bald
    I look around startled i coulda sworn i heard the dead call
    The guards look at me like my mind was fucking crazy
    I have to put a diaper on like im a fucking baby
    They walk me to the room i see the victim's familys
    I have to look them in the eyes they cant stand me
    Im strapped to the chair now i sweat my exit
    Soon it'll be all over when they press the next switch.........
    Warchild for true it would of taken me hours to point out all the good rhymes in this because there was alot. You been doing your thing on here keep it up i like your rhymes you know how to use them and make the piece dope at the same time. I enjoyed reading this. Keep the good work up!
    written voices makes hidden noises

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    its pretty nice main.. nice to see something more deeper and conceptual by you.. i'd probaly just say the opposite of what you might say to me tho and thats the vocab cud be strengthened a bit....
    i'm liking the rhyming skills going on here still/...some rymes got a bit rushed or undeveloped as lines even.., ie .. i wonder if god will hear me out cause it's today
    was hitting on the basic in element...the flow seemed to shrink a bit or quiten with certain.. just my perception.. no one can really judge a flow i guess less u can hear it

    had entertaining value good drop

    keep up



    i like this=
    left those two kids not far from a corpse state
    Lawyers couldnt do nothing for me at the court case

    thats gimey grimes fosho

    i can relate to the whole thing going down right here


    the ending was coo as well
    lots of ill bars throughout in fact. and good of you to envision from another angle

    some multies were a bit just aiite but worked all the same and hit on point
    .................................................. ......................

  5. #5
    G-Money
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    this was fire... i mean the way u molded a story out of someone elses experience n made it like it was yours and made it believeable (like it was yours) was fuckin sweet... the emotion was very nice... there were so many lines that were jus like WOW... i mean if i had to pick a favorite line it would be :

    "Booze and drugs, hanging with a crew of thugs
    The neighbourhood that im from you dont choose to love"

    that was very nice... the mutlis, wordplay, the structure the whole fuckin drop was jus amazing ... like i read thru it fast at first then read it a couple more times n everytime they rhymes got rawer n rawer ... good shit ... i can definitely say ur one of the elite on this site.. djb too... i mean i drop shit but imma fan of u two dudes... cuz u guys jus come elevated everytime... nice shit ... DONT SLEEP ON THIS DROP !! thanks for the feed on my shit... keep droppin , ~one~

  6. #6
    Ads
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    Not bad, not bad at all.

    Ill leave decent feed later.

  7. #7
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    Good shit right here fam, im surpised you didn't get more feed than this. First off, flow was good, and had some good mutli's and internals in there that made it even better. Had some decent vocab in it, Imagery was flawless imo, it was deep and emotional, and like the dude above me said, this was nice how you took someone else's point of view and wrote it as if you experienced it yourself. Nice drop, keep doing you.

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    Open Mic's

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  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Ether Spitter's Avatar
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    this was somber and coo man...coulda been more inspiring but ya imagery came thru aiight....overall i liked the beginning of the piece cuz it put you right there...the rest prolly woulda sounded better through audio...like this for instance: Both came running up but they didnt have the chance to shoot
    Because i shot them first they only had a glance at youth....
    had to read it a second time to get what you were sayin...@ 1st it sounded like it was the killer that had first sight of youth....so i thnk this line woulda came nice thru audio....nice job dun...

    igido
    He knows all and sees all...the creator of our creativity ...I follow The Divinity

  9. #9
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    Yo warchild son, i may only be the new guy, but am feelin your rhymes for sho. The lyrics is deep as a chasm and it has a gritty storyline. it's somethin that the peeps from the hood relate to, yet the peeps who don't understand the hood can still hear, and maybe make them take a bit more notice.

    Good plot choice, nice structure too man, i like the flow, easy and simple to hear yet complex in the content, good mix man.

    hit my shit if you get chance, i bin readin other threads and you seem the most genuine and give the best replies.

    peace, one

    plat

    Partnerz In Crime

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Pharoah.'s Avatar
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    this was ill., i shed a tear and the imagery just ripped the fucking doors off the hinges.............

    nice piece ill as fuck

    rhyme scheme was nice flow wuz there... multies and vocab were decent

    nice drop payce
    Open Mics


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    Poetry

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    Last Word
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    Originally Posted by Vamp.
    this is perhaps the gayest thread...ALIVE....

  11. #11
    The True Psycho of RB
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    Thanks for the feed i appeciate it, seems my deeper shit gets more response than my crazy/witty pieces thats strange to me but i aint complaining.
    Uppin this.

  12. #12
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    good ol warchild i remeber you from ways back..................as i have grown to expect this was a great read andas always you trap a real to life emmotion and force it down the readers mouth i enjoyed this alot very graphic
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  13. #13
    The True Psycho of RB
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    ^thanks, lately ive been writing concept pieces im ok at them but normally im just into writing depressing shit or crazy/sick rhymes. But now and again i can write emotional shit thats only when im in non psycho mode.

  14. #14
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    I like this piece a lot ...due to the rhyme scheme
    and story telling. Was a real good read. Short story
    but you explained very well where this guy on death row
    was coming from. And why he did the things he did.

    I would quote the lines but for some reason this
    mouse at school is acting up, however it was the
    second paragraph, the lines were the beginning to
    the 6th lines..pretty nice..
    overall real good drop stay dropping.

  15. #15
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mcl's Avatar
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    sweet man real sweet like the topic
    ur rhymes are real to warchild

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