sleeping beast

[Unseen]

lyrics to a song me and one of my boys are doing but its only my verse im just trying to get back feed back and if its up to par or not, cuz im stuck for what to bring next..........

I’m a psycho riding, most likely to light your eye-lids, in the bat-mobile with dro in my pipe and a side of cylosibin/
My rhymes win, people get scared when crazies describe shit, but I was trippen so I decided to let it slide and invite your mind in/
Hi my specialties lightning fighting, you look like my favorite target, your gay don’t start it, no never attempt to save this harlot/
Cuz my aim with bolts pin points to inflame your armpits…..

I play the part of harmless, until I boom and erase and harm kids, ill club with spades ‘till I leave the queen of hart’s discarded/
They try to keep the hardest harnessed, with chill pills for adversaries carnage, they lose their drive for life and walk around this earth lethargic/
But a sleeping beast will double its means when its eyes get parted….


all i got so far its short but im stuck...please check and leave feed back

[Alphabetize]

its an ok flow and an ok structure ok job

[Unseen]

ok thanks uppen for more feed

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[~lextownkillaz~]

hey it was an ok flow like some of the word play and the rhymes and i also liked the vocabulary that you used i think you should work on it a little more before you put down vocals you make a hook mabey a intro or outro and a few other small thing but over all it was good............... :yes:

[Dodge]

i think this rhyme has real gd attitude behind it and if thats wat ur tryin to do then uve succeeded on that part erm...dont think i can personally see much that needs improving but all i do have to say is that when u write the rest of i if u decide to carry it on then make sure u keep the same attitude through the 2nd part aswell or its gunna fade out of the impression ur tryin to give. dodge .

[Amphion]

‘‘I play the part of harmless, until I boom and erase and harm kids, ill club with spades ‘till I leave the queen of hart’s discarded/’’


dat line was pretty witty to me, but it didnt make much of any sense. its just some jibber with words dat can relate to each other metaphorically. either then that i got nuthin much to criticize. i lke yer vocab and the flow wsa smooth as well. my only suggestion is to keep the same mood with the rest of yer verse. i like it so far, its pretty hardcore mang. keep it up.