Changes....

[Baby-Smile'z]

So many changes to follow in my
life.......
Walk up straight and open up
your
eyes......
You might be black white mexican
to
all that may not matter to u....
When
i smile
sometimes it makes u cry....
and when
im around
i wanna be part of your life....
But so
sad as it is
my sister did die as well...
And since
then my life
has been hell... It was a
tragic thing
and i cry my
self to bed and pray to her
she will
still but her head
near me..... I''ve tryed so
bad to
come back to you
and me to you from love
i do...
Somemany changes
that i'd love to change...
And on
the phone u would
say i'd hit that thing....
I'd

look at
you and from always
you would say baby i love
how you
move that thing...
When we getting freaky
you move
and when you see
me you say baby do u
still need me...
If so i say no
then you know all
call you soon....
But i know
im changing
so leave me alone... Im just
learning
to be on my own...
But if i see you down the
streets then
i wont care if u see
me.... Cause to u im just
some gurl u see...
And i dont care
if u call cause i wont be there
all be having a BALL... So move
on and all move on with my life...
So have a nice day
and good bye
i say... I've seen how u play u
balla shock colla...
You say that
u love me but in what way how
can i trust u anyway....
and all
the changes that i've made tonite
are going to be part of my life...
So deal with that... And all move
when u say im alright... And i wont
worry about that at all because u
way out of my Fall..... Because
you know im cool and u know that 2...
( all these changes that i have made today
and along time ago are true...) so gimmie sum
feedbck and all git back to u shawtty....

[Baby-Smile'z]

gimmie sum good feedbck.........

[Frostbite]

:cry: That waz beautiful
I feel for u on that bout ur sis
U had a nice flow good structure and decent wordplay but wut blew my mind waz the emtion

This waz a overal nice peice
Keep em comin
Got luv fo ya

[Baby-Smile'z]

i did it and i made it better then all my other ones im learning and i owe this all to white out thanks man.... much love

[*Jazzmine*]

the way this shit written, was kinda immature for the way a poem should be wrttien. it was good in some ways but it could have been better with more describing wording to it

[Baby-Smile'z]

thnks all try better next time...................mo feedbck plz....

[HaZy]

well ill go in to diffrent angles

one the poem was heartfelt and as we all know the best poetry is usaully about grief and heart stricken pain
which this would fall into
you had some tear jerker lines (a few for example):
has been hell... It was a
tragic thing
and i cry my
self to bed and pray to her
she will
still but her head
near me..... I''ve tryed so
bad


however on the other path
this was hard for the readers eye
to jump from one stanza to the next
from one mid sentece to another line below

it may be im just not use to your style
and like a fine wine
it may have to be an aquired taste

regardless
good drop smilez
hazy

[Baby-Smile'z]

thnks hazy and ur son is so cute....

[ItsCyrious]

i was really feelin the emotion on this one regardin ya sis....i got much luv fo my olda bro n its hard enough living in diff places than him...i gotta call him a lot and visit him, if he were to ever pass away while i was alive i would b devistated, without him i have nuttin to look up upon, he got me into everything i do....so i feel u on that one...Oh and our last names are Jackson too, lol....i dont think ya structure was bad but u can work on it and thas about all i gotta say, vocab and wurdplay ...hey i dont think they apply to sumthin that comes from deep so good drop

[Baby-Smile'z]

thnks And ma sister is dead my cousin 3rd cuz Mia Laraine Jackson died 03 And Nikol Yasmine Jackson 03 and everynite i know she is always by myside and there for me....and thnks fo tha comment...

[ItsCyrious]

i feel u on that, no prob ne time

[Baby-Smile'z]

i think that u and some otha ppl on this site feel me on this...... thnks alot..

[Baby-Smile'z]

mo feedbck plz./,gh

[SikTrik]

this was a very heart-felt piece, with crazy emotion, and i can feel u on everline, u made the life of ur loved ones live on with this piece. It trully had everyting you could ask of it...emotion/and lyric wise...however i think by u stretching it out made it less effective, it worked in more ways then i didnt...some parts just did need 2 be moved 2 the next lines..it would have sound'd better if it was together in some parts..but in some ways the pauses added to the effect of you taking things slow..etc.. however it was a good write..just make sure it sounds good with ur structure and most parts it did..so dont rlly worry bout it

good write..

( if you could..hit up my pieces in my sig )..thank you'

[Baby-Smile'z]

no prob n-e thang fo u............ and my family is a tragic occur.....