Sitting Here (Atomic War)

[flavin]

Sitting Here (Atomic War)

Sitting down………………….................with my son
The end is here………….........our lives are done
No more guns……………….............no more hate
Easy way out…….......Presidents dropping an A

Words exchanged, long range misunderstandings
More Countries intelligence, start expanding
New demandings, they got new needs and wants
So we become their victim, they remain nonchalant
Haunting are minds, what the fuck has been done
No escape, Looks like we’ve have been over run
End of Rising Sun, It’s finally about to set
But no cries for us, and only praise for the vets
Forget about me, forget my family and friends
Standing for beliefs, and they bring forth the end
Practically dead, we can see the end coming
Every person in this country, sits with tears running
There’s a blast off white, ear shattering sound
Tens of thousand new souls, are heaven bound

Sitting down…………………........with my son
The end is here…………our lives are done
President…………………..has dropped the A
Tried to run…………….....couldn’t get away

[flavin]

I Wish - djb
live it up

[flavin]

holy shit its already been 27 minutes.......wow.......uppin

[E><ZiLe]

seriously i dont think u need 2 work on anything
dat shit was tite nigga
i liked these parts

Practically dead, we can see the end coming
Every person in this country, sits with tears running
There’s a blast off white, ear shattering sound
Tens of thousand new souls, are heaven bound

it got more drama an made u feel like u were expierencing this........there should be a part 2!!!
lol

ps...dawg how u make ur font dat small

[flavin]

highlight the entire piece then go to size and select 1.........for the font

[E><ZiLe]

thanx hommey

[flavin]

uppin for some more feedback

[chadillac]

Tight words stay true

[Eye`]

hmmm.........u did okay, it wasnt very intense or grabbing or anything. u didnt have nothing special. i would say wrok on your emotion and you flow, both are kinda off. and work on stories maybe, not things just out of the blue. elevate...but keep practicing.......leave feed on my shit.

i dont feel like leaving the link so here's what its called.....

Silent Speaks

[flavin]

thanx........ill go check out ur piece

[djb]

i liked this. very short, but poetic at the same time. seemed a bit simplictic in areas and as out cry mentioned some thoughts appeared to come out of the blue. but this was easily an above average drop. you show tons of potential here. you just need to keep writing and become more polished. the rhyme scheme will get better with time so dont focus soley on that. the main thing is that you get your ideas out, just like you did here.

[flavin]

thanks for the feedback