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Thread: Bottled Dreams

  1. September 2nd, 2005, 04:07 AM #1
    Vortex
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    Bottled Dreams

    I want more from life, Ive got dreams that I hope come true...
    ...my trouble is, I lack the confidence to follow them through.
    Im an habitual underchiever, stuck in a dead-end job...
    ...working from 9 to 5, just to put some food on the hobs.
    Thats not living, thats surviving. And between you and me...
    ...how will i EVER be able to chase my dreams, if never given the oppourtunity?
    Ive got goals I hope to achieve, before Im layed to rest...
    ...so I dont wanna be pen-pushing in a job I detest.
    I wanna cover the globe, not remain chained to this desk,
    I wanna remove this leash theyre calling a 'tie' from round my neck
    The second you take a job - Your independence is what u forfeit,
    The world has so much to offer, and weve so little time to explore it,
    so basically, take off your chain. Venture into mother natures depths...
    ...Live life to its limits now, cos you dont know how long you've got left.
    I am the rap king, that wears lots of bling,
    Im from the ghettos, of Netto.
    Its the place to be. Come down and you'll see. - Phillip Round


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  2. September 2nd, 2005, 04:24 AM #2
    Vortex
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    Links...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=228018
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...76#post3083776
    I am the rap king, that wears lots of bling,
    Im from the ghettos, of Netto.
    Its the place to be. Come down and you'll see. - Phillip Round


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  3. September 2nd, 2005, 04:41 AM #3
    Trema
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    ...

    i liked this piece it was deep but i felt with the topic you were writing about you could of gone alot deeper. Some good lines, but the vocab was lacking strength, it was kinda weak. But overall i was def feeling the topic and shit, ayt
    written voices makes hidden noises
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  4. September 2nd, 2005, 06:07 AM #4
    Cody Nash
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    This was a nice peice...you flowed, had nice structure and use of vocab...all around it struck me as the truth of life...This is the way of life for a lot of people...and you wrote it in your own words...and made a lame literall "everyday" subject sound like something deep and promising...If your dream is to rap...I suggest you keep spiting stuff like this. I do also suggest to make your raps a little longer than this...isn't the minimum in here 16 lines? not sure...but anyways...nice piece, and good luck writing more, I look forward to seeing more work. Peace
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  5. September 2nd, 2005, 06:32 AM #5
    ExPlOsIvE
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    This was a nice piece man, similar subject i wrote about, kool lol, the flow on this was tight, i found it relly easy to read, the rhymes were nice nd the wrdplay was kool, i fink u need to elevate ur multis a bit but they were aight.

    Nice drop bro, keep droppin, hit me up plz on "!!! Sick And Tired !!!"

    Peace
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  6. September 2nd, 2005, 07:36 AM #6
    oneton
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    i liked this, heartfelt and very relatable to almost everyone! peacee!
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  7. September 2nd, 2005, 07:45 AM #7
    Vortex
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    thanks, all of you.
    I am the rap king, that wears lots of bling,
    Im from the ghettos, of Netto.
    Its the place to be. Come down and you'll see. - Phillip Round


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  8. September 6th, 2005, 07:31 AM #8
    Ya moms pimp
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    this wuz good, it brought tears to my eyes! lol!
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  9. September 6th, 2005, 08:12 AM #9
    Goliath
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    That was some deep shit, Cuz.
    But it's truth.
    I've been in the struggle before.
    Anyway, Enough about me.
    The imagery was vivid.
    Feelin this topic to the fullest.
    Keep droppin the ill shit.
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  10. September 23rd, 2005, 12:57 PM #10
    bruza
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    this was cool man easy to read and it flowed well not too heavy. u opened up proper and u was being what your life is, keep it bruv its all gravy
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  11. September 23rd, 2005, 01:13 PM #11
    Dodge
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    i liked this a lot,it was powerful and quite desciptive but the only thing i have to say to yah as that next time when you make a piece like dis then go a lil bit more deeper on it and i think that wud add that extra bit more of effect to ur rhyme man.hope that this helps yah. dodge .
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  12. September 23rd, 2005, 01:16 PM #12
    ~lextownkillaz~
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    hey i think this was a very good peice you had a flow going and you also was telling a story the whole time i'd rate this a 9 outta 10 because me personlay i like songs like this but any way i liked it keep up the good work and i hope to see more shit like this from you in the futer :yes: :music:
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