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Thread: The Lost Soldier

  1. #1
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    The Lost Soldier

    Boom…
    The sky lit up with unnamed colors, as bombs hailed down to Earth
    The threat was real as mass destruction annihilated God’s birth
    Hope vanished as the thought of peace was carried out on a stretcher
    And our Father cried as Mother Nature cracked under the pressure
    All living organisms were burned alive, death surrounded all
    And our once thriving advanced society, screeched and then stalled
    The sky was black with smoke and hate, the ground was a fiery land
    As flames leaped to lick the sky, flickering over the damned
    A single body laid untouched, high above the carnaged face
    Peering out over the pending extinction, of the human race

    He sat upon the baron waste, that once he called his home
    A desolate place suiting the devil’s taste, with only rubble and stone
    An army vet of thirteen years, with no rivals left to hunt
    Nuclear threat was no more, because everything was used up
    He stared across the battlefield, where corpses fried in midday heat
    The stench was almost too much to bear, rotting life and singed meat
    Looked as far as his eyes could see, but saw nothing to regret
    His M-16 lay at his feet, lost without an enemy target
    Not knowing what he should do next, he walked towards tomorrow
    He held his bleeding heart in his hand, covered in blood and sorrow
    Searching for any signs of life, or comfort from what was past
    Searching for any future that he might salvage and unmask
    He stumbled through ghost towns that weren’t there the day before
    So new that even the risen ghosts, were left confused and bored
    Dust and soot masked the air, and left the sun deeply hidden
    Apocalypse had finally come, what God started Man had finished
    He cried and yelled up towards the heavens, why did he survive?
    Billions of people disintegrated, yet he was left alive
    He wished he died and that was that, for now he was truly lost
    He had won this persistent war, but was it worth the cost?
    A few achievements here and there

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  2. #2
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Last edited by Laureate; August 19th, 2005 at 04:50 PM
    A few achievements here and there

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  3. #3
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    hmm well you have a good stucture, i think you could shorten your lines a bit to give more interest, even though your flow was good, you had a good choice of words nothing seemed forced, good vocabulary but i'd like to see you use some multiples when you write, very good imagery good emotion, just a good piece man, keep writin man i wanna see you do more, or get back workin on audios, dammit

    lol anyway can you rtf on my om A World With No Water links in the sig.

    1

  4. #4
    Newbie
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    favorite parts..
    He sat upon the baron waste, that once he called his home
    A desolate place suiting the devil’s taste, with only rubble and stone

    Not knowing what he should do next, he walked towards tomorrow
    He held his bleeding heart in his hand, covered in blood and sorrow

    Searching for any signs of life, or comfort from what was past
    Searching for any future that he might salvage and unmask

    this was a good drop, some lines looked stretched.. but all and all feelin it

  5. #5
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    The sky was black with smoke and hate, the ground was a fiery land
    As flames leaped to lick the sky, flickering over the damned


    loved that line..i thought everything about this piece was very ill...i honestly only have one complaint about this peice...it seemed like it ended abruptly...it could have went somewhere else...but never the less it was dope..as usual....could you check out tha link in my sig titled Corrupt Authority...id appreciate it...keep droppin tha hottness as usual.~1~


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  6. #6
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    thanks all
    A few achievements here and there

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  7. #7
    Enter Contest
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    wuz tiight...very eye catching...Didn't get lost in it at all...no misunderstanding lines...It was all tiight...Good job....

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    yo that shit was tight, every bar kept me seekin for more. Yo keep it up one of the best i heard sp far.

  9. #9
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Can I get some real critique
    A few achievements here and there

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  10. #10
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    i like it alot i was hot
    Lil Drew "The Prequel"

    Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery,
    None but ourselves can free our minds.
    - Bob Marley "Redemption Song"

  11. #11
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    ugh....come one...what happened to OM
    A few achievements here and there

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  12. #12
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    your imagry was great. its makes me wonder if youve seen combat before. you painted a beautifully created picture of the scene... great job on that...
    your lines seem stretched due to font size, yet they flow is good... this is created by your well placed multis and internals. good shit. this verse is awesome, nothing really sucks... good stuff. great rhyme scheme, imagry and flow...
    always enjoyed your verses...

    poetic combats in the sig

  13. #13
    youngclip
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    dat was a nice drop u had mad flow n vocab n ur punchlines was nasty keep it up yo u mad nice in rappin u gonna far wit rappin

  14. #14
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    that was nice..how long u been rapping???

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  15. #15
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Thanks Spoken Deity
    A few achievements here and there

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