-Concrete Roses-(SSjr verse)

[sILLable]

Ive got those roses petrified,real in still life
compiled scents through noses,i build concealed sights
froze in chilled ice,foot steps from tha alley
this place i call my mind,crumbles in this define valley
i designed cali, with a default escape pod
along tha fault its breaks god,while he debates odds
seas turn to liquid sulfur,left with this ulcer
he seems compulsive,but hes guns still in his holster
as plants die and wither,no snakes to slither
god is now tha giver,plagues so vague he considers
himself done with the end,no one to defend
i lay in tha sun as it spins,hidden within my wymns
devils grins pierce my safety,freedoms tastey
escape must be hastey,left in tha dark im waisting
existance doesnt exist,aside from me,i persist
to look for souls in tha mist, no plants in our midst
so im left alive,an im surrounded by desolance
everyones arrogance,empty buliding and resturaunts
on this vase in my house, is my only company
not worried about feelings,because its not dumpin me
laced w/in a bed of liquid rock,a vicious shock
if it were ever removed,out from this mistless block
surely it would die,my rose is alive,its petrified
feel a jolt inside,electrified my mind as it synchronized
suddenly awoke as i choked,no notes to devote
to tha air,cant conjure a scream,or compare what i wrote
drenched in sweat,almost felt clenched to death
not to mention i pinched my chest,no voice,convinced im deaf
now ive singed my ces,my roses will live forever
as im decomposin and severed,my friend stay posin not weathered.

[sILLable]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=222077

[sILLable]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=222046

[sILLable]

lookin for some replies to this piece....dont sleep.~1~

[Legacy01]

man, i been following ya pieces for a while now and even had a lil laugh to myself when u was talkin wit that mod in ya other piece....but i reckn this was an ill piece as always and everythin to me was gr8! imagery was good..again... lol.. and i dont want ya to stop writin coz ya shit is dope! lataz homie, nice drop

[Johnny 6-feet]

Fuck those sleepers! I was impressed by this one TreaZon, this might be the best piece i've read from you, if not, its definately up there. Your imagery was dopeness plain and simple, creative as hell. Your vocab was at just the right level for the subject matter and you had some good multi's to put the icing on the cake. Think this might be one for the hall of fame mate.

Thanks for rep. Keep dropping.

[sILLable]

i really appreciate it god....ive been keepin up with your shit...mostly HoF drops mos def...thnks,~1~

[sILLable]

up.

[Par-War]

This was real unique and well written. Lots of concrete imagery....no puns intended, lol. I liked the def poetry feel to it and the emotion that I got from it, very consistant and on point with what you were doing, nice. You write some pretty nice pieces man, its nice to see someone here who actually has a writers talent. Big ups man.
One.

[Di'Vyne]

Fuck those sleepers! I was impressed by this one TreaZon, this might be the best piece i've read from you, if not, its definately up there. Your imagery was dopeness plain and simple, creative as hell. Your vocab was at just the right level for the subject matter and you had some good multi's to put the icing on the cake. Think this might be one for the hall of fame mate.

Thanks for rep. Keep dropping.

word to this imma recomend this to HoF

[sILLable]

thnks man...i truely appreciate it....up.~1~

[Bugzy Vendetta]

yo good shit ya unique wit ya style flow, i dont know too many other niggas that rap like you and thats always good to have ya own style keep spittin and do wat you do

[Sammy B]

Very good drop. It had alot of complexity and the topic was dope. Imagery was very good and vocab was excellent. Ryme scheme helped it flow nicely and I was throughly intrigued throughout the piece. Some lines I didn't understand, but I eventually caught on as I read. Nice drop one of your best and congrats on the hof nomination

[Jawn Raw]

something i really though lacked was imagery, it was a lot random, like you talk about the life n some rhymes were even forced as well, the emotion was good, vocabulary could be a lot upped, multiples were there not so much were they that good but they were there i'd like to see you come more consistant with multiples, but something youreally need work wit is imagery, anyway good drop.

1

[Geflugelte Worte]

This was pretty good..decent vocab and pretty good with the rhyming.
I think it could use alittle more imagery though.
But overall,I think this was good.